Libra Spread ~ I Balance ~

Libra Spread ~ I Balance ~

1) My power of decision making
2) My ability to bond in a relationship
3) My ability to connect in a professional collaboration
4 ) My aggression and my desire for peace (How do I fight?)
5) My will to forgive (How do I make peace? How vindictive am I?)
6) What do I give to my lover?
7) What kinds of feelings do I suppress?
8) How is my artistic feeling?
9) How superficial am I? (How moody am I?)

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So, I decided to give myself a reading and use this spread. It seemed like a nice follow-up to my last reading, The Balance spread that I did for the Autumnal equinox. I have been working hard at finding the balance between my personal life, my professional life, and my priorities as a wife and mom, but this past week it seems like I've hit a wall. I lost all my motivation and drive, and could feel myself just wanting to give up on trying to find balance in my life. I've just been feeling like there is no way to balance it all; wife, mother, housekeeper, volunteer, waitress, tarot reader, ME! Often when I'm feeling "in a funk", a tarot reading will help give me the perspective I need, and give me the "jump start" that I'm looking for. I decided to use my newest deck, The Goddess Tarot by Kris Waldherr.

Here is my Tarot reading.

The first thing I noticed was that there is a lack of cups. Since this spread is about balance, I notice this and realize my Water energy is out of balance. My emotions have been out of whack. I have not done much of anything this week, because I "don't feel like it" and then I beat myself up and judge myself for not getting anything done, which just perpetuates the cycle of inactivity. *Makes a mental note-to-self to find a way to balance my water energy.
The suits that are present are Earth and Fire (Pentacles and Staves/Wands) In the Goddess tarot, the suit of Staves is related to The Path of Freyja - The Norse Goddess of creativity, fertility, and beauty. Procreative, wands channel energy to areas where growth can occur. The suit of Pentacles relates to The Path of Lakshmi - Hindu Goddess of fortune and prosperity. The riches contained within the Earth. The grand Harvest of life, and the bounty of the cycles, Lakshmi is the personification of fertile, prosperous, and feminine force. This Fire/Earth combo is a strong call to be creative and procreative in my life… rather than waiting for the balance to occur I should take creative steps and actions to create the balance I desire.

There is one Swords/Air card in the reading, and it's right smack in the middle of the spread - you can't ignore the big fat bleeding heart of the Three of Swords right there, can you? And that is where the reading begins, with card one;

1) My power of decision making - Three of Swords - relying too much on others to help me make choices, though sometimes this may create conflict. Self-destructive. Fear of pain and loss or sorrow effects my decision making. I keep waiting for my husband to kinda take the lead on certain things, but it just hasn't been happening. My non-action is the same as driving a sword into my own heart; it's self destructive and doesn't propell me further down my path but just leaves me tied to my old scars and fears.
2) My ability to bond in a relationship - Four of Pentacles - must feel stability in financial realm. Need to have control over finances in order to feel comfort that promotes bonding. If I am worried about money and stability, I close myself off. If I am feeling secure and in control, I am much more likely to open up and bond with others.
3) My ability to connect in a professional collaboration - Nine of Wands - I keep myself somewhat protected or separate from others, need to be able to pause and think things over before moving forward. Desire to prioritize and plan things out. Perhaps this wall that I have built has ceased being a protective boundary and has become a wall of limitation.
4 ) My aggression and my desire for peace (How do I fight?) Nine of Pentacles - I have a strong desire to enjoy the fruits of my labor. My desire for peace is strong, just want to enjoy beauty. Will fight for what I have worked for, or to protect the peace and beauty that I have built.
5) My will to forgive (How do I make peace? How vindictive am I?) 20 Judgment (Gwenhwyfar) - Forgives but does not forget. Will learn from the past, I won’t allow someone to get too close once they have wronged me or hurt me. I can be a harsh judge of others, and a harsh judge of myself.
6) What do I give to my lover? King of Pentacles - respect, the ability to rule the home and finances, stability. I can give him a stable home environment. There is somewhat of a conflict here though, since with card 2 (and what I already know of myself), I need to be somewhat in charge of the finances in order to bond in a relationship. I know my husband also desires this control, and I have given him that responsibility over finances, but this has caused me to have feelings of insecurity. This has given me reason to pause and think; I guess we will have to work on a compromise and middle ground in which I can let him feel like the King of Pentacles, yet I can still maintain a sense of control over finances and our security.
7) What kinds of feelings do I suppress? Four of Wands - putting down roots, commiting to a goal, my frustrations about home life and romance. I hold in my frustrations about home life and romance, it's true. I need to find my voice and not just internalize my frustrations...

8) How is my artistic feeling? Page of Wands - my artistic feelings and creativity come with waves of passion, a new thing or person will trigger a new spark of interest, but it will not always be lasting. Yes, that is an understatement. It's also called "I'm a Capricorn with ADD."
9) How superficial am I? (How moody am I?) 15 Temptation (The Devil) (Nyai Loro Kidul) My moods and goals are strongly effected by my innermost desires, but also by my addictions and temptations. I easily become a slave to my moods, and obsessed by my desires - or obsessed with things that are out of my control. I focus my energies in the wrong direction, avoiding the things that really need to be done, and that just gets me in more trouble. My drug of choice; Procrastination. I need to control my temptation to follow my moods and better listen to my Higher Self.

I added together the numbers of the cards to find my "Sum of The Digits" card, which is like an Overall Advice card to summarize the whole reading. Interestingly, the card I got is the card associated with Lakshmi, who was already "flagged" in this reading with the presence of her related suit; Pentacles.
Sum of the Digits - 10 - Fortune [The Wheel of Fortune] (Lakshmi)
Overall advice of the reading - Be open to the generosity of the Universe. Be open to abundance, have positive expectations. Be aware of Beauty and Love all around me.