Kid-Free Monday

Did you know that Paul McCartney started an organization called "Meat Free Monday". Supposedly, if people don't eat meat just one day a week, it will help not only our health, but the environment and economy as well. You can check it out here; http://www.meatfreemondays.co.uk/

Anyways, my Monday was NOT Meat-Free. But it was Kid-Free (almost, anyways) Writing the title of this blog made me think of that Meat-Free Monday thing. Here's how my day was on Monday... with my Facebook Status Updates as the template for this journal...

Mood; Relaxed
Listening to; the helicopter circling somwhere nearby
Today I; Pampered myself... to the max!

My weekend was exhausting. Work friday nite. Work all day Saturday. Work Sunday. as normal. Then add a birthday party with something like 13 kids and 7 adults at my house, after work on Sunday. It was so much fun, though at times a little overwhelming. I would endure it again (and probably will) for the sake of giving my children good birthday memories.
On Saturday, Mr. X went to my mom and dad's house. He will be back sometime tomorrow. So today, Monday, once the girls went to school I experienced something I have not experienced in 4 and a half years or more. Being Alone. No kids, no company, no husband, just me and the animals. I could have spent the day cleaning up from the birthday party, but why would I want to waste this rare occurance? I rested. I pampered myself.

my status updates throughout the day:

"Day with no kids, Phase One. Took a bubble bath (a long one). Shaved my legs (slowly and carefully). Got dressed (slowly, in a liesurely fashion). No TV, no radio, just silence and doing things SLOWLY."
{Never underestimate the value of being able to do things SLOWLY and QUIETLY. I mean, it's not that I never take bubble baths or shave - though I will admit I should try to do the latter more often - but just doing these things without worrying about what the child is getting into... what a remarkable feeling. And getting out of the tub and being able to slowly dry off, apply lotion, slowly get dressed.... delicious!!}

"Day without kids, Phase Two. Gave myself a facial. Burt's Bees Orange Essence facial cleanser, Avon Porefection avacado mask, Burt's Bees Garden Tomato Toner, and Burt's Bees Marshmallow Vanishing Creme. My face feels lovely! I'm thinking about dying my hair....."
{Once again... just cherishing the moments of being able to do something for myself without rushing. Mom, dad, seriously... can you take Mr. X on a school day more often?}

"Day w/ no kids, Phase Three. Mmmm... Honey Walnut Shrimp, Lo Mein Noodles, and Cream Cheese Rangoons! Yep, I got Panda Express for lunch! Eating in SILENCE, then I'm gonna dye my hair! Goin' from Dirty Blonde to Strawberry Blonde!"
{Yes, I went and got lunch, and it didn't involve a happy meal. It also didn't involve running around the house trying to find Mr. X's shoes, yelling at him to keep his seat belt on, begging him to please eat his food, or telling him "no, sorry, I can't afford to get you dessert and you didn't even finish your meal so why would I do that anyways?" Lunch... for ME. sigh.}


After that the girls came home from school so I wasn't kid-free anymore. I had the lovely experience of talking to Miss Zee about Periods. They had "The Class" in school today and she brought home some pamphlets and had some questions. I was proud of myself...I think I handled it well. It's not the first time we have talked about this stuff - but she wanted a few more details about The Curse this time...but I think she and I are both a little less worried about it now. I think she has a couple more years before it happens anyways....

Next, I was going to watch a movie with the husband, but he fell asleep on the couch. So I decided... "when in Rome...", and I laid down on the other couch and took a nap too. Miss Zee did her homework and read "My Side Of The Mountain", and Princess A played games on the Computer (Kidzui). I woke up at 5:30 and decided that tonite was the perfect night for Pizza. So I got some pizza and then we watched the movie....

"Day with no kids, finale...Postponed watching the movie... took a nap on the couch instead. Woke up at 5:30 and went to get pizza from CiCi's, then came home and watched Julie & Julia... what a great movie that was!! What a wonderful, relaxing day this was!! Feeling refreshed, but I miss my Xan-Man!"
{Yeah. I miss him. Crazy, huh??}

I loved that movie. It made me want to cook something. It made me want to write and blog. I just wish I had something worthwhile to blog about. I need a project like Julie. No, I'm not going to cook my way thru Julia Child's cookbook... I'm just sayin'... I need a project worth blogging about.

Four-Twenty Tuesday

Four-Twenty Tuesday
Mood: Cathardic
Listening to: Madonna
Today I: ~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Cramps Suck. Thank the gods for Pamprin. And those cool menstrual heating pad things. Stick a heating pad to the inside of your pants and let the heat melt those cramps away for 8 hours. Seriously, I was considering a trip to the ER, until the pamprin and heating pad kicked in.

Today someone came and fixed the swamp cooler. This may have saved my life today, if not at least my sanity.

I still can't use my dryer. Towels do not get very soft when they dry on a rack in the Arizona sun. My towels all feel crunchy. Drying off after a shower will be more like exfoliating with sandpaper. I will have to learn how to use fabric softener.

I started organizing the office. I should have taken some "Before" pictures, but I didn't think about it. I cleaned the entertainment center, hooked up the printer and DVD player, organized all the board games, and started organizing a bookshelf and some craft supplies. The heating pad, a Frappacino, half a Darvocet, and the nice cool air from the fixed swamp cooler are mostly to thank for this burst of energy and motivation. Soon I will get to the boxes with my tarot decks in them. I could have gotten them out today, but I'm just not feeling ready yet. I want them, but I don't. Hard to explain. Mercury retrograde menstruation has me all upside-down and inside out.

I really enjoyed tonite's episode of Glee, "The Power of Madonna". I folded my crunchy towels and felt sexy.

Weird / Trade

Weird
4/18/10
Mood: Wierd. Weird. how do you spell that? Dammit.
Today I: Worked. Then came home and proceeded to continue feeling wierd.
Listening To: Regina Spektor... for the last 3 days straight.

I feel wierd. Kinda lost... between moods and feelings. A sense of foreboding... like I should be worried about something. Could be stress. I hardly slept at all last night... one of those tossing and turning type of nights, with aches and pains and my mind spinning making it impossible to sleep. I finally fell asleep around 3 am. Then woke up at 6 am to find that our water heater had busted and leaked from the laundry room, thru the kitchen, and into the office on the carpet. While I was at work someone came to replace the water heater. But these wierd electric problems keep popping up. The swamp cooler wasn't really working today and the house is hot. I don't want to call the landlord again, I feel like we are being burdens... even though the problems are not our fault. But still, I feel like there is something else, other than the maintenence issues with the house. Something else that has got me feeling all backwards. I am wondering if it's just my hormones... just this crappy depression that seems to hit me right before I start my menstrual cycle. I hope it's just hormones, just this stupid clinical depression again. Because I am not ready for any more stress.

It's hard to feel like doing anything when it's so hot. And summer hasn't really hit yet. I should call the landlord about the swamp cooler....

I'm just doubting myself, my choices. Feeling paranoid and uneasy. Maybe it's the Mercury Retrograde (which started today). Tonite I'm gonna take something before bed, because I don't want another sleepless night. A night of deep, dark, medicated, dreamless oblivion sounds divine.

Trade
4/19/10
Mood: Peaceful
Listening To: Fleetwood Mac
Today I; Cleaned house (a little), shopped (a little) and worked (a little)

I'm feeling better than I did yesterday. That anxiety is gone, thank goodness. I traded the anxiety for cramps and the bloated-yucky-no-fun-being-a-girl feeling. But I will take it... I would MUCH rather deal with the physical symptoms than the mental and emotional ones. It is a good thing that I had some Xanax left from a prescription awhile back, or I might not have gotten any sleep last night! A favorite quote from King of The Hill ; "Ala-Ka-Zam, AlPraZoLam!" (Nancy Gribble). Now I'm needing some Motrin or Pamprin or something, but at least I'm not feeling all depressed and paranoid today.

I did a minimal amount of housework today. Unpacked the DVDs and put them on the shelf in the Livingroom. Washed the Dishes. Picked up a couple things at the store. I got a couple small laundry racks to hang laundry on to dry outside, as my Dryer is on the fritz. It's either our Dryer or the electrical connection... not sure yet. But my clothes will be sun-dried until we figure it out. It's another trade... the convenience of a dryer, but a lower electric bill. Sweaty, but a few dollars saved. Actually, since we moved out of the apartment, I have given up a few conveniences that I used to think I really needed. No Microwave. No Dishwasher. I don't really miss either of them. And hey, if I can live without those, I can probably live without a Dryer too.

I also traded my usual Monday Night At Home for a Monday night at work. I picked up a shift from a co-worker. It was really slow, but kinda relaxing in a way. Didn't make a whole lot of money, but hey, it's money that I didn't have this morning!

I'm off work tomorrow, and I'm actually NOT going to be stuck at home. A friend is letting me borrow her car. Which means I can go grocery shopping BEFORE my husband gets home from work. Which means I can get that done early and maybe actually enjoy my evening at home! Now, if I can only motivate myself to make a grocery list and actually leave the house in the morning....

Goodbye Pisces... hello Spring and Renewal!

"So how
how will I go
Back on
Back on the shelf
with a smile
with a smile
to the customer and say
on sale by the owner

Here I
Here I go again
Breaking
Breaking porcelain
Is that all I am
just a Doll you got used to
We've done
We've done this before
as Mars sauntered through his door
Don't say it's time to say
Goodbye to Pisces
Goodbye to Pisces
Goodbye my Pisces"

~ Tori Amos, "Goodbye Pisces", from The Beekeeper, Sword and Stone

The Pisces sun has taught me a lot, and although the sun has now transited to Aries, I feel that it is time to take one final look at what I have learned through this Pisces cycle. Drawing some cards from my trusty Housewives' Tarot deck, and following some questions as posted here - Journaling With Pisces and The Moon, time for a little journey within....


What does this card represent to you? The Moon from The Housewives' Tarot doesn't have the usual symbolism of dogs, towers, or overall dismal terrain, but simply the image of a woman sleeping. What are her dreams telling her? Does she listen to them, or pass them off as simply dreams and nothing more? Is she afraid of her dreams, or inspired by them? These are the questions that I see represented in this card, as well as a call to pay attention to your inner voice. Drawing another card, asking myself, what does this card's imagery represent to me? I got...
The Knight of Wands
*exuberance * mischief * loyalty
My dreams have both the power to propel me forward, and to leave me frozen in fear. Am I being loyal to my dreams and instincts? Am I feeling exuberant about the messages of my inner voice? Am I willing to get into some mischief or will I take the safer path? Why am I answering a question with more questions? Simply put, this card shows me one thing in particular - my dreams are a vehicle, my instincts and desires are my vehicle and my armor, but I must pump the pedals and choose to move the vehicle forward myself, or leave it parked and let my dreams simply remain dreams.

What have you forgotten? I drew the Six of Wands. * Victory * Triumph * Praise *. Have I forgotten the feelings of victory and triumph? Certainly. I have become beaten down by certain events and circumstances in my life. At this point, I don't even have a home to be proud of, and I'm living on borrowed time, in borrowed property. I don't feel worthy of praise, but perhaps I have forgotten how to take pride in other aspects of my life, and I have forgotten how to feel victorious. Funny how this card focuses around the Shiny Sink, which is the focal point of my Housekeeping Mentor - The FlyLady. Have I forgotten to take pride and feel triumph over the state of my current home, just because of the fact that we are being forced to move? I need to take it back to basics, Shine My Sink, and allow myself to feel Victorious and Triumphant, because feeling anything less than that is just blocking the real victories from manifesting.

What do you instinctively want to do? I have been having trouble determining the difference between my instincts and my worries lately. On one hand, I am not worried at all. I should be running around frantically, trying to find a place to live, a job, etc. But most of the time I am just going about life as usual. Am I in denial, or are my instincts simply telling me not to worry?? I drew the Ace of Cups. Hmm... renewal, celebration, *new relationships * Beginnings * Foundation * Instinctively I know that change is good, that all things happen for the best, and that this is just another part of my soul's cycle. Raise the glass, make a toast. "To Beginnings!"

What kind of cycle or pattern are you repeating? "We've done, we've done this before, As Mars saunters through his door...." Have I been through this before? The Seven of Wands says Yes, Repeatedly. When in my life have I not faced challenges and crisis? When have I not been fighting for something? Life is a series of challenges, and I must keep that in mind. I've survived much in the past, but that was the past. This is my current challenge, here, now. Yes, I have cleaned the damned toilet every week for the past eleven years. But if I stop now, what will I have? A dirty toilet. At least over the years I have learned tips and tricks, refined my methods, and have gathered a whole slew of cleaning supplies to attack those stubborn new stains.

Are your actions appropriate to this particular situation or are you responding to some past situation? Actions? Half the time I am wondering what actions I can take. The other half of the time I am beating myself up for not taking the obvious actions. But I think in the long run, there is only so much I have been able to do. An occasional day spent doing job search or online applications, followed by days of simply doing the housewife thing. One day might be all work or business, followed by 3 days of reading fiction and writing poetry. Temperance says I have managed to blend a little bit of my past and present situations into the mix. Not reacting wholly on my past, but not leaving my past out of my actions either. I think, at least when it comes to the actions I take, I have learned not to let my past define me - but have also learned when to take a page or two from my past in the name of experience or wisdom.

What is bewildering or confusing you? How could things have gone so wrong? Why is it so unfair? This was supposed to be the happy time of buying our first home, and it turned into a nightmare (no fault of ours) because of other people's greed and stupidity. Death. I guess I have been a bit bewildered and confused about this whole thing with buying this house. Then finding out we can't buy this house, because the previous owners were dishonest and the bank made a mistake, so now we have to leave. Somewhere in my happy little housewife's life, I was under the impression that people were honest and good, and that somehow or another I would have my dream home. The dream went bad, I have to let it go. I'm still in shock, bewildered. But when you find that rotten food in the fridge, you don't keep it and hope that it gets good again. You throw it away and buy new food.

What is real and what is illusory? Control. It's real, but it's an illusion. I don't have control over these circumstances, but I DO have control over my life... it's all in how I react. Material Things. These are also both real and illusion. I may feel like I need more to get by, but in reality, I have much more than I need, and need much less than what I have. I am the Queen of Pentacles... this card is actually my astrological court card, and often my significator. So why did it come up here, for this question? Because this is me, but this is also the Illusion of me. I have the potential of being a control freak, I have the ability to be materialistic, I can have high expectations. But these are not rules that bind me. They are nothing more than words to describe the sometimes-real and sometimes-not aspects of me. I can deal with that.