Meditation Spell Guide

If you feel you need to give your meditation an extra boost, or would like to ask for help meditating in a ritual or spell, here are some basic magickal correspondences dealing with meditation.

Colors; Blue, White, Silver, Indigo, Purple, Violet, Yellow

Astrology; Aquarius, Pisces

Planets; Saturn, Uranus, Neptune

Day of the Week: Saturdays or Wednesdays

Element: Air

Plants & Herbs;
Basil, Bay Laurel, Benzoin, Copal, Frankincense, Gardenia, Jasmine, Lavender, Mugwort, Myrrh, Nutmeg, Patchouli, Sage, Witchgrass, Wormwood

Crystals & Gemstones;
Amethyst, Aquamarine, Blue Topaz, Calcite, Citrine, Herkimer Diamond, Jade, Lapis Lazuli, Mica, Moonstone, Obsidian, Onyx, Peridot, Quartz, Rose Quartz, Sapphire, Selenite, Sodalite,Topaz, Turquoise, Ulexite

Additional Tools;
Bell, Chimes, Tibetan Singing Bowl, Meditation Pillow, a Meditation Table or Altar


If you are having trouble with meditation; whether it be finding the time to meditate, or being able to still your mind long enough to relax, look at this list and see what you can put together to encourage and enhance your meditation practice.  The more ritualistic you make your meditation time, with the continuous practice and repetition of the same ritual each time, you will begin to settle more quickly and easily into a meditative state. You will also have made more of a commitment to practice meditation and there fore will find more time, or time will present itself to you.

For example, using the list and suggestions above, I would make a small meditation table in my bedroom or another private area... even a bathroom!  Place a few of the above mentioned crystals on it, along with an Air Element representation of my choice.  I would place my bell or Tibetan Singing Bowl on this table, and an incense burner or essential oil diffuser.... and choose from the above listed plants and herbs for a scent for my incense or oil.  I may find a candle in one of the colors listed above, anoint it with essential oil from one of the plants listed above and bless it with my intention to meditate more often or for longer periods of time.  I might choose to carve symbols that represent the astrological signs or planets listed above into the sides of my candle.  Once I have my area set up, I begin each meditation the same way.  I make note of what order I do things in and remember to do them in the same order each time I sit down to meditate... this repetition creates ritual.
For example, I might do a few simple stretches and drink some water.  Roll my neck and shoulders gently and stretch my back and legs to prepare for sitting.  Then I light my candle, and say a simple prayer to God/Goddess/Angels/Spirit Guides to protect me and help me during my meditation.  Next I light the incense or oil burner and simply breathe the aroma for a minute, enjoying it.  Then I would sit myself in the position I am going to meditate in, ring my bell one time to signal the beginning of my meditation, and then begin.

This is just one example of how you may use the list above to help you in meditation.  There are so many possibilities with the things listed above, from the blends of incense you might make, a mojo bag to hold while you meditate, crystals to use on a meditation mala necklace, symbols and colors to create a mandala for meditation.... come up with whatever works best for you and use it to enhance your meditation practice!

Faerie Friday - Letting Go

I thought that with our Air Element studies, it would be a good time to connect with the Faeries and see what lessons they have for us each week!  So every Friday (as my hectic life permits) I will draw a card - either from the Healing With The Fairies Oracle Deck by Doreen Virtue, or from The Fey Tarot by Mara Aghem.  For each week's reading I will ask what advice the Fairies have for us; both for myself and for those of us who are following this blog and the Air Element Studies.  This card will give us something we can work on, an area of focus, or some advice to follow for the following week.... from Friday thru next Friday!  Enjoy, and let's see what the Faeries have to teach us!

This week I drew a card from the Healing With The Fairies Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue.

Artwork by Corey Wolfe.  www.coreywolfe.com 

LETTING GO

Card Meaning & Message from the Fairies;
"You aren't receiving positive results because you're struggling too much to solve the problem.  By letting go, you're opening yourself up to a miraculous solution.
Problems are caused by human thinking and action.  That's why problems aren't solved by additional human thinking and action.  When we think hard or struggle to resolve a crisis, things can actually get worse!
By drawing this card, you are being asked to stop the human struggle.  Stop thinking about the problem, since a focus on negativity can manifest more negativity.  Say aloud or silently, "I am willing to surrender this situation to my Creator [Higher Power / God / Goddess / Angels] right now."  By affirming this statement, heaven is able to intervene on your behalf.  You will instantly feel relief, and will be gratified to see how easily and naturally the situation resolves itself."

Affirmation; "I am willing to surrender this situation to my Creator right now.  When I let go, everything turns out perfectly."

~ By Doreen Virtue, from the booklet to the Healing With The Fairies Oracle Deck.  I do not claim ownership of this deck or what is written above, and no copyright infringement is intended.  I am sharing here among friends.
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I find it wonderful that this is the card we got for this week.  Our upcoming lessons in our Air Element study are going to be about working with Air in the form of Breath and Meditation.  Meditation is all about letting go.... about letting go of fear and worry and thoughts for awhile, finding that peaceful place within, and letting our Higher Self or Higher Consciousness come through.  In letting go of the chatter of the mind and ego, we can hear what our Higher Self, our Angels, our Spirit Guides, and even the God/Goddess are telling us.  When you develop a good habit of meditating, you can find that the solutions to your problems come to you much more easily when you are in this relaxed state!

Also, this card might present itself to some as a lesson about meditation itself.  When teaching yourself to meditate, there can be many frustrations and doubts and fears that come to the surface.  "Why can't I clear my mind?"  "Why can't I stay focused?"  "Why is this so hard?".... it's not easy to train your mind to just be quiet for awhile and let your Higher Self do the talking.  When you are finding yourself frustrated with meditation, remember this card and the message from the Fairies.... LET GO!  You're not going to be perfect at it right away... no one is!  Let go of your self-criticism, your perfectionism, and your ridiculously high standards for yourself.  Meditation is an act of self-love, and should not be a time of fears and doubts.  Just LET GO, and keep trying!  You WILL get better at it if you keep it up and keep practicing!  And then, once you have become more comfortable with meditating, you will be able to really understand the original message of this card, and when you have a problem or worry, it will be much easier to slip into the peaceful, trusting state of mind in order to truly let go and let the Divine help you find solutions to your problems! 

FlyLady - Pagan Style; Welcome Letter

For those of you who don't know what FlyLady is, it's an inspirational website designed to help you clean and de-clutter your home and your life.  It helps you create routines that work for you, your lifestyle & your family to help housekeeping become stress-free and something you just do naturally and daily rather than something you put off until the last minute and then stress about when you have company coming over.

I have found the FlyLady system to be a wonderful and positive way to get my life in order, although admittedly, I haven't followed it as closely as I could have!  I have "fallen off the bandwagon" more than a few times!  Yet one of the great things about FlyLady is that you can jump back in at any time!  With FlyLady, I always know exactly where to start!!

Over the years, I have found ways to integrate my spirituality into my household cleaning.  Wait, did I just say that House Cleaning is Spiritual?? Yes, it can be!  I am a Pagan, more specifically an eclectic Neo-Pagan, meaning that I draw from MANY spiritual paths which focus on Nature and the natural cycles of the world we live in.  For many Pagans and Witches, our homes are the central place of our worship, our spiritual learning, our meditation, etc.  Since we don't have Churches to go to, and we don't limit ourselves to only experiencing nature when we are outdoors, it makes sense to think of our homes as our "Temple", or our Sacred Place.  Many Pagans and witches also believe that their spiritual path is a Lifestyle, not just something they do once a week or on the Blessed Sabbats or the Full Moon.  I have found through FlyLady and my own spiritual path, that even the mundane, daily tasks that come with being a wife, a mother, and a housekeeper, can be beautiful parts of my daily Spiritual Life, and I wanted to share with you some ways that I have done this.

I will be going through the different aspects of FlyLady, and talking about how I apply them to my own life as a Pagan.  Today we begin with The Welcome Letter!

When you first join FlyLady you get a Welcome Letter. (and by the way, if you follow my blog, please join FlyLady or at least bookmark the FlyLady website for reference!)  This letter explains the basic idea behind the FlyLady program and how it works.  Please click the Link and read the welcome letter for yourself!!

The first thing you read is what FLY means.  It means Finally Loving Yourself!  All the great spiritual teachers of our time and times long past have taught us that without first Loving Ourselves, we cannot truly love others.  Buddha, Paramasana Yogananda, The Dalai Lama, Ghandi, Jesus, Doreen Virtue, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Sonia Choquette, Louise Hay, Starhawk... to name a few; all teach us that when we truly see ourselves as Divine Children of God/Goddess/The Universe, we begin to truly love ourselves and then the flow of love to others and from others comes more naturally!  With the basic Law of Attraction, if we Love Our self, we invite Love into our lives.  This isn't meaning a type of love that involves vanity or a feeling of self-importance in that we are better than anyone else.  We are all children of the Divine!  But if you don't love yourself the way you love your own children; unconditionally - then you block the flow of true Divine Love from flowing to you and through you!  Without loving yourself, you are constantly criticising yourself, seeing the negative instead of the positive.

When you FLY, you embrace the positive and develop a desire to bring more positive into your life.  When you FLY, you want to eliminate the negatives to make room for the positives.  Maybe you have too much clutter.  Maybe you keep a clean home, but neglect taking care of yourself.  Perhaps you are really good at keeping parts of your home clean and orderly, but there are certain areas that build up and become a source of stress for you.  Maybe you procrastinate and let things build up to the point where it creates stress and a burden upon yourself and your family.  When you FLY, you look around your home and you think, why I am I letting myself - a beautiful Child of The Divine - live in chaos?

FlyLady's Welcome Letter explains that by taking one step at a time, the program will help you build daily routines and weekly plans that will help you run your household more efficiently, thus relieving yourself of stress.  If you embrace the ideal of FLYing (Finally Loving Yourself), then the desire to do this grows stronger.  Building routines takes time, and patience with yourself.  You have to work on developing new habits, slowly, piece by piece; trusting that eventually you will overcome whatever difficulties you may face.  The FlyLady program will help you develop these new habits and new routines, or build on the routines you already have in place.  It starts with the BabySteps, and onward to Daily Flightplans and weekly "Zone Missions", all of which are described in detail on the FlyLady website but I will (hopefully) also cover here - with a Pagan Twist!

Whether you are new to FlyLady, or have been doing it for awhile, take some time today to think about how you Love Yourself.  Are you really acting in ways that show self-love?  Are you being really hard on yourself, criticizing your failures and shortcomings?  Think about your inner voice - is it Loving towards you, or mean?  Would you talk to your child the way you talk to yourself?  How is your self-love reflected in your Daily Life at home?  Are you avoiding things that stress you out?  Is this avoidance just creating more stress and more critical self-talk?  The first step to changing negative self-talk to positive self talk is to be AWARE of your self talk.  Listen to your inner voice, and when you find it being un-loving to yourself, stop and think something positive instead.  Changing your self-talk is something that will take time, and take practice, starting with Awareness and Intention!

Here is a wonderful video of affirmations that will help you increase your self-love, by Doreen Virtue. 

 

Blessed Be!

Tuesday's Oracle - Vacuum Away Fear

This week's Oracle Card is "Vacuum Away Fear" from the Angel Therapy Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue. This card is beautifully illustrated by Howard David Johnson and shows a Golden-winged angel holding high the serpentine staff that represents health and healing. When an angel is depicted holding this symbol it is usually representative of Archangel Raphael who is considered to be the Archangel of Healing.

The card reads; "Call upon Archangels Michael and Raphael to lift fear-based energy from you, your surroundings, this situation, and everyone involved."

There is a simple visualization and meditation technique that I LOVE, during which you ask the Angels, your Spirit Guides, or the Universe to vacuum away any negative feelings, fears, illnesses, etc. from your physical and auric field. This week I have had some concerns because my schedule at work has been changed and I will be making less money. I think this card is an excellent reminder to give my fears over to God/Goddess and not let these fears or worries plague me. We all need a reminder now and then to release any negative energy we are carrying, and the Angels can help us with this! The exercise is simple;

Sit calmly and breathe deeply for a few minutes. Relax and pray. When you feel comfortable, call upon Archangel Raphael (the Divine Healer) and Archangel Michael (God's Warrior and our Protector) to come to you.... visualize and feel their presence close to you. Visualize that they are holding a golden Vacuum tube that extends to the heavens. Ask them to use this vacuum to suction away any negative thoughts, worries, anxieties, and fears. They will slowly and gently attach the vacuum tube to your Crown Chakra (at the top of your skull) Breathe deeply and evenly and feel the vacuum suctioning away all negativity from your being. You can visualize black and gray flecks like bits of dust being pulled from your body into the vacuum. These flecks of dust may be held in any part of your body.... start from your feet and work your way upwards visualizing and feeling the release of worries and toxins as these feelings are vacuumed away. Visualize the dark spots being sucked up the vacuum tube all the way to the heavens.... here they are given to The Universe and The Divine to be healed. Once you feel like you have been cleared, ask Michael and Raphael to fill you with healing and love. They will put the vacuum tube in reverse and it will fill up your body with light. You can feel and visualize this as a warm white, purple, or blue light which seeps into every part of your body, healing the places that were holding the negative energy, giving you a feeling of peace and strength, and filling you up with the Love of The Divine. Thank the Angels and The Divine for their help and healing, breathe deeply, and when you are ready, open your eyes. Stretch and look around. Your vision may be brighter and clearer, and you will have a deep sense of calm and a new confidence and love radiating through your aura. Go about your day as planned. If you find yourself worrying or feeling fearful again, stop and visualize the light inside of you erasing away that dark spot. Sometimes it has become a habit to worry, we just have to work on replacing the fear-habit with a love-habit. Don't punish or judge yourself for being fearful or worrying.. this is what you're used to doing. Just gently correct the thought and replace it with a positive, loving thought.

The guidebook for the Healing With The Angels Oracle Deck gives us a prayer that we can use when we do this exercise.

"Archangels Michael and Raphael, I call upon you and your healing Band of Mercy Angels to come now with your spiritual vacuum cleaner. Please deposit the vacuum hose through the crown chakra and suction away toxic, fear based energy."

Meditate and visualize as suggested above. Before you ask the Angels to reverse the flow and fill you with light, say this prayer;

"Thankyou, Michael and Raphael for this healing. Please now fill the body with your diamond-bright white light to heal and protect."

(Doreen Virtue suggests asking for a white light, but I have noticed that sometimes the light the Angels send me is purple, violet, or a sparkling blue.... trust that whatever color of light the Angels choose to give you, this is the type of healing you need at this time. If you have trouble "feeling" the color then just visualize sparkling white with prism like rainbow reflections and trust/know that whatever type of healing and protection you need is flowing from the heavens straight into your physical body.)

You can also help others with this healing by guiding them through it, or with their permission, simply asking the angels to do this and visualizing the same as above, but on the person in need. Another thing you can do is ask the Angels to vacuum away negative energy from your physical surroundings. They will gladly assist you in clearing away negativity from any space, room, house, or object using the same technique as above. You can visualize the Angels attaching their Spiritual vacuum hose to your vacuum cleaner and as you literally vacuum away dirt they will vacuum away the negative vibes that may be present in that area. (But you don't have to physically vacuum to do this, just ask for their help!)

I Write Love On My Arms

I have struggled with depression since I was a teenager. I have learned coping skills since then and for the most part I am a positive and happy person. But when life gets stressful and the depression kicks in, it can be hard to practice what I preach. I told a friend last night, "I can't throw myself a life jacket." I was sitting here considering whether or not to call a depression crisis hotline, as I just felt that I needed someone to talk to. But I was scared, I've never called one of those hotlines before. And I kept giving myself excuses. I'm not suicidal, I'm not crying, I'm not cutting myself or self medicating with drugs. But other signs of depression have been here. I'm so tired, but I can't sleep at night. At night I lay awake in near panic-attack mode, my mind spinning with the worries and stresses o my life. In the daytime, I can function, but it's a struggle just to keep myself out of bed. On the days I do go back to bed, I sleep all day. On the days I manage to stay out of bed, I feel that it is all I can do to take care of the kids and the daily household chores. Taking a shower or bath? Too much work. Making important phone calls? Too hard. Eating? Too much effort.
So I was stting here looking online at a list of Depresson Hotlines, trying to decide whether or not to call someone. Which one? What would I say? Would they judge me? Would I be wasting my time calling a hotline that says "Suicide Hotline" - when I'm not suicidal? Excuses. I picked up my deck of cards (at the urging of an online friend) and drew a card. The 9 of Swords. (Above). Okay... obvious, right?
I called a local Crisis Hotline. It was the best thing I could have done. The person I talked to was so compassionate and understanding, and seemed to know exactly what to talk to me about. I talked for an hour to a stranger about my life and my feelings, and this phone call was probably the biggest act of self-love that I have taken in a long time. Aside from talking me through my feelings, she gave me some ideas and hope, along with some community refferal numbers to call for further assistance. I guess I'm writing this because I want others to hear first hand that these hotlines can help. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or depressed, call someone. It was the best thing I could have done.

Today is "To Write Love On Her Arms Day". TWLOHA is a Depression Awareness and support group. Each year they ask people to write love on their arms to spread awareness about Depression. As I wrote "Love" on my arm today, I realized how far I have come over the years. Last night I reached out and asked for help. In the past, I wouldn't have done that. I would have silently suffered until I reached my breaking point. Here on my arm where the words Love are written, there used to be scars. The scars have faded and over the years I have finally learned how to Love myself instead of hurt myself.

Addiction & Recovery

Reposted from my CafeMom journal....

As most of my friends know, I am currently going thru the journey of quitting smoking. I'm on day 21, though I can't yet say I'm completely smoke-free. I'm taking baby steps and considering that I have been an off-again, on-again heavy smoker for over 10 years, 1 cigarette a day is huge progress for me! This time around I am taking time to learn about myself and heal myself as I go, not punishing myself for my nightly indulgence, but learning, growing. Baby steps.

What most of my friends don't know is that giving up cigarettes is, to me, the final step of my recovery as an addict. Perhaps it's been a smoke-screen, perhaps a coping-mechanism, or perhaps the last physical vice that I've held onto years after letting go of the other drugs. Most of my friends don't know this, but I am a recovering drug addict. This is going on my 9th year drug-free. I am astonished and proud that it has been that long. In December of this year, it will be 9 years since I have touched any Meth or Cocaine. The quitting smoking has brought back a lot of memories and feelings, and sometimes I just want to run back to the comfort of that smoke-screen; my final addiction. I have realized I will always be an addict; I will always have an addictive personality. And I will always be in some state of recovery. But I've also realized I'm ready to move on, I have realized I am so much stronger, happier, and wiser than I was back then, and I hope that others out there will realize that they are strong and wise too. If I can turn my life around, a complete 180, so can anyone else.

I saw this video to a new song by one of my favorite singer/songwriters, and I guess this is what got me thinking about this today. This is what made me realize I'm almost to year 10..... listen to the words, it's an amazing song. I have tears in my eyes but they are tears of pride and joy. Thankyou to all of my friends, because whether you knew this about me or not, your friendships are what keep me going each day....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fSCDpgwqxGM&feature=player_embedded

Quitting Smoking = Healing My Life (part 1)

So, I've made it to the one week mark. I quit smoking 7 days ago. I've been using the nicotine gum, and doing pretty well! But I have a confession. There is one hurtle I have yet to overcome. That last cigarette before bed. After the kids and hubby are in bed and the housework is done, when it's just me and my thoughts. I have not managed to give up that last cigarette each night. So, the ticker at the top of my page isn't 100% accurate. Take away 6 or 7 cigarettes from the part where it says "Number of Cigarettes Avoided."

But I can't think of myself as a failure. I can't judge myself badly for that. This is a habit that is 10 years in the making. So it's time to look deeper. Why do I feel the need to smoke? What have the cigarettes been a "smoke screen" for?

I have the book, "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise L. Hay. I have read it, but I haven't really taken the time to apply each lesson to my life. But now I think it's time. Perhaps if I really take the time to work thru some core issues, I can truly give up this habit for good!! Did you know this is my 3rd or 4th time to "Quit" smoking??

I started smoking when I was 17, but just socially. When I was 18, I got pregnant, and quit smoking, but as soon as Miss Z. was born, I started smoking again, and not just socially. I kept smoking until I was 23, when I got pregnant again. So I quit again. After I had Princess A, I didn't start smoking again. Not for 3 years, until after the birth of my 3rd baby. At first, again, it was just socially. When I was drinking, or when I was stressed, but of course, this accumulated to the point of being a full-on smoker again. In '07 I tried to quit again. I made it about 1 month, then started again. I blamed it on stress. I've Always blamed it on stress.

This time, I don't want to start again. I don't want to continue to use smoking as a vice to help me deal with stress. I don't want to lose my commitment as soon as life turns stressful again; and it will!! So I think this time around it will be time for a little more soul-searching. Time to heal not just the addiction, but the roots of the addiction itself!! So, remembering that this book had some great advice for Healing all sorts of problems, I dug it out of my bookshelf, and re-read chapter one.

I'm going to quote some key points from this chapter and then talk about how I can apply these points to my life, right now, and my goal of quitting smoking.

1) Life is really very simple. What we give out, we get back.
The more I stress and worry about quitting, the harder it becomes. If I simply trust that I can do it, I can! I need to fully believe the the Universe / Life will assist me with my goal. Staying positive, uplifting myself, and never criticizing myself will create the positive outcome I desire!! Also, in treating others with love, kindness, respect, sympathy, and support, I will get the same back!!

2) The Universe Totally Supports us in every thought we choose to think and believe.
So, rather than thinking "It is so hard to quit smoking", or "I am having trouble quitting", my thoughts should remain focused on the positive outcome! Affirm!! Celebrate!! "I am a non-smoker!" "I have successfully quit smoking!!" "I am in control of my cravings!! I make healthy choices!!!!"

3) The Universal Power never judges or criticizes us.
When I am struggling, God/dess does not see me as "weak". If I make a mistake, The Universe does not label me as a failure. I should not pass these judgments on myself either! When I see myself in the same loving light that God sees me in, it is so much easier to simply smile and move forward. No "Tallying up the failures", no criticizing the past mistakes.

4) Most of us have Foolish ideas about who we are and many, many rigid rules about how life ought to be lived.
"I need a cigarette to calm down. I need to smoke to wind down. Wow, I'm stressed out, I need to smoke. Quitting smoking is harder than quitting a drug addiction. I can't deal with stress. If someone else is smoking near me, I need to smoke too." These are some examples of some of the beliefs that I have held, some of the attitudes I have had, that have further enabled me to continue smoking. Changing these core beliefs shouldn't be too hard, once I accept that there is no truth behind any of these statements.

5) When we are children, we learn how to feel about ourselves and life by the reactions of the adults around us.
Okay, at this point things get deep. I may have to reserve another blog for this (and the next) entirely. My parents were loving and kind, but not always supportive. ("You just can't stay focused. What were you thinking?") And they were very strict and protective of me. So, thinking of this - am I still smoking because I am STILL, at 29 years old, rebelling against my parents? Do I have trouble quitting because my mom always told me that I was a naive', scatterbrained, silly little girl who could not focus or get things done? (No, she did not say it in those words, or even in a mean way. But this is the feeling I remember.) And then my dad, always so positive, but harshly judgemental at the same time. How would I ever measure up? I remember as a teenager, realizing that I could NEVER live up to their standards, so why try? Then came the smoking, drinking, and drugs.... sigh..... Yes, it is all connected.

6) When we grow up we have a tendency to re-create the emotional environment of our early home life. However, we should not blame our parents for this.
(Louise L. Hay goes on to say that we cannot blame our parents, because they were just recreating what they had learned as children, and they their parents before them. We cannot place the blame on others, because this just creates resentment. And resentment causes illnesses and addiction - it's counterproductive.) In what way am I recreating my home life by smoking? Neither of my parents smoked. But I would agree that they each had their vices and addictions, their ways of avoiding the stress rather than dealing with it. And then I, wanting to rebel, and feeling like I would never be accepted by them, chose smoking as my vice. Perhaps even my previous failed attempts of quitting smoking is just mirroring the way that I always felt that my parents were trapped with each other, trapped in a lifestyle that didn't seem to make them happy. I don't have to be trapped. I'm not trapped, and I don't need to rebel anymore. But I still feel the need for their approval, and I still feel like I will always fall short. Like I said, this may need a whole different blog post. After all, this is just the first chapter!


7) We Choose Our Parents.
Louise L. Hay belives along with myself, and many others, that before we are born we get to choose certain things in our life. We get to choose who our parents will be, and what life lessons we would like to learn. It's good to take time to remember this. No one has perfect parents. No one has a "Perfect" relationship with their parents. It's all part of the human experience. Some may be learning a very difficult lesson; in having no parents, or in having abusive parents. Some simply have to learn to overcome the beliefs instilled by their parents, or to embrace them. So I must ask myself, what wonderful things have I learned from my parents? Because I must have choosen them because of what they could teach me - beyond the negative. I think that from my mother I have learned about Faith and Trust. And from my father I have learned Humor and how to stick with something and not give up, To Go After My Dreams. These things are all lessons that I can utilize to help me quit smoking!

8) The point of power is always in the present moment.
When I am feeling most weak and tempted, I am thinking of my past. I am thinking of how I used to be, how I smoked one cigarette last night, so I obviously can't control myself, and that I should do it again. Or I am thinking of my past feelings of addiction; the past feelings of pleasure I may have had from smoking. I must bring my awareness to the NOW, and remember that past and future do not dictate this moment. My power, my spirit, my thoughts, my beliefs, are HERE and NOW. One of my favorite affirmations is hanging on the wall above my desk. It says; "In the here and now, I am strong. I have Divine energy, wisdom, insight and ability. In this very moment I can accomplish anything I want with my own willpower and spirit! "

9) The only thing we are ever dealing with is Thought, and Thought can be changed.
When I think "I am weak, I need to smoke." or "Gosh I really want a cigarette right now.", these are THOUGHTS. Not realities. If I change my Thoughts, I change my reality. "I am strong. I have done so well. I am really doing great in reaching my goal. This gets easier every day."

10) The innermost belief that creates negativity is "I'm not good enough."
Why is it so hard for most people to look themselves in the mirror and say "I AM WONDERFUL" ? I've got a head start on this one, because my spiritual journey over the past few years has been about learning to Love myself. Fully and Truly. I am still working on it; it's hard to overcome generations and decades of society telling us all that we're not good enough, not pretty enough, not rich enough. But I know, deep inside, that I am worthy of self-respect. I am worthy of love. My body is worthy of being treated like a temple! When I am tempted to smoke, I need only remind myself that I am good enough and worthy of being healthy and free of addictions!

11) Resentment, criticism, guilt, and fear cause more problems than anything else.
Boy, do I know that one. I know and can admit that it was my own feelings of guilt, fear, self -criticism, and inner resentment that caused me to smoke in the first place. As a teenager I began to drink, smoke, and do drugs to try and mask or self-medicate these feelings, but these masks did not help the problem, did not cure the feelings, only made them worse. Worse, but buried. Now they are buried deep, and have probably bee festering for a long time. I've come so far... I have been clean from drugs for 8 years. I hardly ever drink, and never get drunk anymore. So I'm chipping away the mask, little by little. Once I get through this last part, I think I can finally begin to heal these inner feelings which cause much more than just my addictions. Who knows what else in my life can be healed once I face these innermost beasts?

12) We can change our attitude towards the past.
As you might be able to tell from the previous paragraph, I have a rocky past. It's not easy for me to think about it or talk about it. So changing my attitude about it? Hmmm. What I already know is that our past does not have to define our present. I was a drug addict. Not anymore. I was an unmotivated slob, with no housekeeping skills. Not anymore. I was a smoker....
Not Anymore!

13) To release the past, we must be willing to forgive.
True forgiveness can be really hard when you have truly dark things in your past. When I think of my past in terms of forgiveness, I feel those old resentments bubbling up. Anger. Fear. Yes, even Hate. How can I really forgive those who have hurt me? Rape. Physical Abuse. Mental Abuse. Even thinking about it now makes me shake, and suddenly I am fighting an urge to go smoke!! There it is, there is the core of my problems, the roots of my insecurity. Those feelings aren't gone, they are just buried and masked. And hardest of all to forgive is myself. The book says "We may not know how to forgive, and we may not want to forgive, but the very fact that we say we are willing to forgive begins the healing process. It is imperative for our own healing that we release the past and forgive everyone."
I forgive you for not being the way I wanted you to be. I forgive you and I set you free.

14) All Dis-Ease comes from a state of unforgiveness.
Whether it be our parents, ourselves, or someone else that has hurt us, I know that holding onto resentment can create no good. Resentment is a thought, and thoughts become feelings, and feelings manifest themselves in physical ways. Have you ever been so stressed that you give yourself a stomach ache? So sad or depressed that you make yourself sick? Resentment might not create these instant illnesses such as headaches or stomach aches, but since it is such a deep feeling it can cause the deeper illnesses. Chronic pain, digestive problems, additions, even cancer. Working on forgiveness; of myself and others, is the true way to Heal my Life.

The Moon

This was my card for today, and it certainly seems fitting. I needed a day of rest. I gave myself something that a mom really never gets - a Day Off. I happily neglected the housework, lounged in my pajamas, drinking chai tea and reading. Chatting on the phone, blogging (yep this is my third blog of the day!) and just letting the kids run wild and watch t.v. all day. Yep, I took the day off and I might regret it tomorrow seeing as the house is a mess, the children are dirty and spoiled, and somehow I still feel tired. Oh but wait, that could be the effect of the pain medication I took earlier to ward off the cramps and headaches!! Yes, ladies and gents (if you're still here) she's B.U.I.,(Blogging Under the Influence) and menstrual to boot!



So what is it about this card that keeps drawing me back? I just keep having the feeling that I need to explore it more deeply, to take the time to really meditate on it, because I think, perhaps, this card was referring to more in my life than my monthly cycle.


This is the card from The Housewives Tarot by Jude Buffum and Paul Kepple. Yep, that looks like me today, although I don't think I have truly slept that deeply and peacefully in a long....... long....... time.
Here's what the guidebook says;
"A nightly ritual of mud masks, curlers, and hairnets, can provide much more than just peaches-and-cream skin and perfect curls. While your body gets it's beauty rest, your unconscious mind is providing dreams with hints and tips for your waking hours. The moon suggests that listening to your instincts and intuitions can help you through times of change and uncertainty."

Well, I know the importance of taking care of myself, taking time for myself, and pampering, though I certainly don't apply this knowledge on a regular basis. I rarely remember my dreams, but I understand that this card isn't necessarily about the dreams, but about the door to communication with one's subconscious, inner self, and how that door is only opened when one really takes some quiet time, some down time, and some time for self-care. My "day off" was much needed. I am often keeping myself so busy that I don't have time to think; much less notice where I'm going. What dreams have I put off or put aside just in the pursuit of the daily routines?



And to take it a step further, to satisfy my craving for wanting to understand this card in my life right now and today, I'll do a little extra tarot journaling. These questions are from the book "Tarot For Yourself" by Mary K. Greer. Here goes; blogging from the heart - another moment of vulnerability....

1. What have you forgotten? - I think I've forgotten to take my own advice. I've forgotten to meditate regularly, take care of my health, and give myself some quiet time. In the pursuit of being a good housewife and getting organized, I have forgotten my other goals; looking for a house, spending more quality time with the kids, etc.


2. What do you instinctively want to do? - Crawl in a hole. Or at least into bed. That's all I have really felt like doing today, and yesterday. I think that I get to this point (comes once a month) and my body and mind just instinctively want to shut down, sit a couple rounds out. Maybe that's not a bad thing. Maybe it's okay to give myself this down time once a month.....


3. What kind of cycle or pattern are you repeating? - LOL - welllll. Other than the obvious, physical "cycle", I know that this is a common cycle for me; to be super-motivated, energized, taking on new challenges and goals, feeling on top of the world, and then reaching a point of being utterly overwhelmed, tired, depressed, apathetic, and prone to angry outbursts or just wanting to cry. Is it PMS? PMDD? ADD? BiPolar? Or is it just my personality - The Fool - coming through? Or do I just take on too much and forget to take care of myself and create this self-destructive cycle over and over again?


4. What is bewildering or confusing you? - I think my answer to the above question states my confusion pretty clearly. Do I need help, or just to accept this as a part of who I am? Do I need therapy? Medication? Psychic healing? Reiki? Or do I just need to understand and accept these cycles for what they are? Or do I just need a break from my life every once in awhile?


5. What is real and what is illusory? - Hmm. I guess that's the question then, isn't it? What is real? -- My Mood Swings are Real. My issues with Anger and Depression are Real. My periods are a Real pain in the @$$. What are my illusions? -- I am alone. I can't deal with this. No one cares. My family would be better off without me. I can't get help.

The thing about the moon is, it shines a light on the dark places. It makes you look at things that you wouldn't have seen before, and often times, things look a lot scarier in the moonlight than they do in the daylight. But if you can get yourself to take a good look at something in the dark, when morning comes it's not so scary anymore - and it becomes something new.

The Week Ahead ~ Tarot Reading

I decided to give myself a Tarot card reading. After some debate, since there are so many different spreads to use, I decided on a spread called "The Week Ahead" in which you draw 7 cards; one for each day of the week. Here's what I got and my thoughts on each card. It will be interesting to reflect on these cards and find how they apply to my life in the coming week.


*note - I started writing this blog Saturday night, didn't finish it, and am just now posting it, added a couple notes to the Sunday & Monday cards...

Card 1; Sunday - Two of Wands
Card 2; Monday - The High Priestess
Card 3; Tuesday - The Moon
Card 4; Wednesday - Six of Swords
Card 5; Thursday - The Magician
Card 6; Friday - The Sun
Card 7; Saturday - Four of Pentacles
Sum of The Digits - The Chariot

Initial Thoughts/Overview - Wow, four Major Arcana cards right off the bat! I tend to think of the Major Arcana as the cards representing your soul / spirit, while the Minor Arcana represent your physical life. Higher workings vs. lower workings, so to speak, though no cards are more important than the others in a reading, some can hold prominence or importance. The High Priestess, The Moon, The Magician, and The Sun seem to be saying that I may be working on some deep internal spiritual issues this week; facing and embracing parts of myself and my life that I haven't yet faced or embraced. The Sun card appearing towards the end of the week, along with The Chariot as my "Sum of The Digits" card seem to indicate that I will be happy and empowered by whatever outcome I reach through my inner wanderings. I also find it really interesting that there are very obvious pairs within this reading; The Magician & The High Priestess and The Sun & The Moon.... although they aren't next to eachother, their presence in the same reading indicates a powerful Yin-Yang/Masculine-Feminine/ Polarities working together in some way. And in the way these cards are paired together there also seems to be some connection; The High Priestess & The Moon = secrets, intuition, something hidden being revealed; The Magician & The Sun - Mastery of Energy, Power, Confidence. Hmmmmm..... although right now I can't see exactly what my life as a housewife might bring me that stirs the energy of such powerful archetypes and pairings, it nonetheless seems somehow important. Among the Minor Arcana cards in the reading, I have Wands, Swords, and Pentacles (one of each) but no Cups are present in the reading. Therefore I have Earth, Fire, and Air energies present, but no Water element, perhaps indicating that whatever I face this week will not deal with emotions, feelings, or my love life, but instead be focused in the realms of Mind, Action, and Body. Or, perhaps indicating that I will need to incorporate the missing water energy into my life?? Just a thought....

Indvidually- Card meanings from Joan Bunning's "Learning The Tarot (link below)(*affirmations are from the book "Tarot For Yourself" by Mary K. Greer)

Sunday / Two of Wands - Having the world in my hands, seeing the bigger picture, feeling empowered and in-control of my own energy and power. I will be working (waitressing) most of the day Sunday, and I think that this card indicates that I will definatley be feeling "In my element", in control, and original. This card also indicates being able to speak my mind and deal with any issues head-on. I find it interesting that among the "Related Cards" listed by Joan Bunning in her book and website, I have a few of these cards also appearing in my reading. Opposing card - The High Priestess - "being passive, staying in the background"
Reinforcing Cards - The Magician - "Personal power", The Sun - "Brilliance, vitality, greatness" and The Chariot - "personal power, command" All in all, a positive card for my day at work and also at home.
* Affirmation for the day; "I have the power of Choice."
** note (monday) Yesterday I actually had an IM converstation with someone I have been avoiding. Long story short - we used to be friends, but not any more. I did actually stand my ground and basically told her that I can forgive her, but I can't trust her. Don't know if she understood, but at least I stood my ground and spoke my mind. Oh yeah, and I definatley had a good day at work, too!! I just kept reminding myself that it was my choice to have a good day or not!

Monday / High Priestess - Listening to my intuition or inner voice, Seeking a deeper truth or an answer, feeling feminine, looking beyond the mundane, seeking spiritual truths, being innactive, passive, calm, or receptive.
* Affirmation for the day; "The answer I seek is within myself, awiting my question."
** note (Monday) I haven't done any housework today, and I am more feeling like crawling back into bed and finishing reading "Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows" - yep - seeking answers to a mystery. On a side note (TMI) - I got my monthly gift from Mother Nature today. Talk about dealing with some deep issues. During my monthly AF I have to deal with a part of myself that I don't like very much, I get so irritable and depressed. I think I have PMDD or whatever it's called. I just have to remember to take it easy. And yes, I am feeling rather reclusive. For example I still haven't finished writing this blog post yet!

Tuesday / The Moon - Dealing with cycles, facing fears, looking within, hidden secrets or enemies revealed, giving in to the "Shadow self", anxiety, being distracted, temporarily led astray, going on instincts, feeling lost, wandering aimlessly.
Opposing cards (that appear in this reading) The Sun - Hopefully this indicates that this shadow will not last long. I can see a light at the end of the tunnel!
*Affirmation for the day; "I am impelled to move beyond my fears and insecurities, I am willing to walk the path to self knowledge through the unknown inner realms of myself."
** Side note - (Monday) - On Saturday when I drew this card, I had no idea how it would be presenting itself. Now that I have gotten my little gift from mother nature, I am pretty sure I know what it relates to. The first couple days are always the worst.

Wednesday / 6 of Swords - Having "The Blues", feeling down or apathetic, moving into a new state of consciousness, taking the lessons learned and moving forward, starting to cope, dealing with a trauma, feeling hope again, functioning, but not much more.
*Affirmation for the day; "I gain perspective on problems and issues by changing my direction and focus."
** I think that I would do best to continue to take it easy through wednesday, but I should begin to feel like myself again. Moving forward, regaining my motivation and momentum step by step. But I will have to be careful not to overdo it, or I could end up taking steps backward rather than forward. A change of focus or change of scenery might do me some good.

Thursday / The Magician - Taking action, acting consciously, Concentrating, experiencing power, being commited, applying willpower, using talents, understanding intentions, becoming energized, having vitality.
* Affirmation for the day; "I am a willing channel for the manifestation of Spirit in the world."
** This seems to fit. Usually by the 4th day of my "MoonFlow" I am beginning to feel better. As long as I don't push myself too hard in the days before Thursday, I should be ready by Thursday to pick up the pieces and really feel refreshed, motivated, and empowered again!

Friday / The Sun - Becoming enlightened, Experiencing greatness, feeling vitality, having assurane, being playful or joyful, being child-like, being confident, invigorated, realizing the truth, attaining new insights, understanding.
*Affirmation for the day; "I create warmth and light with my clarity and enthusiasm."
** Hopefully a definate change of tides. No wonder my husband thinks I'm crazy once a month, If I can go from the HP and the Moon, to The Magician and The Sun in one week's time!! No wonder I FEEL crazy during this time. It's black and white, from the depths to the peaks. And I'll probably go through it all again next month.

Saturday / Four of Pentacles - Penny-pinching, saving, getting my share, wanting to be in charge, imposing structure, declaring ownership, resisting change.
* Affirmation for the day; "I hold my power in my own hands; my security lies within."
** It's back to work for me on this day. Another day waitressing and trying to get tips to make ends meet. There are some bills due that I will need money to pay, and I will definatley be working on making ends meet, perhaps stressing over money and control issues. Looks like it's back to the norm for me....LOL

Sum of the Digits / The Chariot- when you add together all the numbers of the cards in a reading and reduce it down to a smaller number, this represents your Sum-of-the-Digits card. This is often seen as the "Outcome Card" or the "Advice" card. Victory, Will, Self-Assertion, Hard Control, Determination, reaching a goal, asserting your will, having faith in yourself, mastering emotions, maintaining discipline, holding in or controling anger.
*Affirmation for the week; "By harnessing all my forces toward my purpose and controlling my fears, I victoriously meet my challenges."
** Even though I am obviously having a rough week (because of AF), I need to remember to maintain a level of control over my emotions, apply my power and self-discipline when and where I can, and have confidence in myself and my abilities to deal with this.


rescources;
Joan Bunning's Learning the Tarot Website
"Tarot For Yourself" by Mary K. Greer

remembering to take time for myself...

I am usually the one giving my friends advice. I don't know why - it's just always been a part of who I am, I can easily see things from another's perspective and offer my opinion in a non-invasive and non-judgmental kind of way. I guess this is why I love giving Tarot Card readings for others. But I know, that when it comes to myself; as a mom, a friend, and a spiritualist or tarot reader, I am often the last to follow my own advice. Funny how it works out like that.

Here I am today, as usual, stuck at home with the three kids. When I woke up; I felt like I could conquer the world. My housweork today was going to fly by, I was going to get so much done, plus have time to enjoy with the kids and do whatever else I wanted. And flitting around my house like some derranged house-fairy with no direction; I have been working, but not getting anything done!!

Okay, cards, give me some inspiration, some motivation!!

Hmmm. This isn't exactly the motivation I was seeking. The Four of Swords from the Housewives' Tarot shows our heroic housewife.... at the beach giving herself a makeover? Well, how is that supposed to help me get my list done for the day?

Sighhh................

I went back to attempting to do my cleaning, with one distraction after another. Kids. Phone. Cat. Door. IM. uhg.... why can't I stay focused??? (Other than my ADD.) After lunch I went to take out the trash. The sprnklers were on. Without hesitating, I called the kids outside and we all went running thru the sprinklers, getting soaking wet and laughing, chasing eachother, and playing in the warm sun.

Later I came inside, feeling refreshed and thinking, maybe now I can get something done! But I didn't go back to my cleaning. I sat here, looking at this card, and thought - maybe it's right. Maybe I just need a day to relax and pamper myself. Some quiet time, meditation, a makeover, or just some time to play.

Too often I forget to take care of myself. As a mom, I know we can get caught up in taking care of everyone else....he kids, the pets, the laundry, the dishes, what's for dinner? When is there time to STOP and take care of ourselves, really let ourselves become rejuvanated and recharge our batteries? The main meanings of this card from the classic Rider-Waite Deck are; Resting, Preparing, Contmplating, Reviewing, Stepping Back, and Coming to Terms with What is. (Click here for a more complete list) Too often we wait until we reach the point of being burned-out and totally overwhelmed before we give ourselves permission to relax. Even FlyLady - the cleaning / organizing queen, prompts us - no urges us - to spend time daily or weekly pampering ourselves to prevent burn out, and I think that's exactly my lesson for today. I can allow myself to take a break, have a quiet afternoon and watch tv or read a book.

Besides, since I've been doing a little (or a lot) every day, I'm not really behind. As long as I do my evening routine before bed, no one will know the difference.....

Epiphany of The Hanged Man (or Woman)

my epiphany...

I've had a busy weekend. I worked Friday night and Saturday morning, then Saturday nite I went to see a movie with a friend and then back to work again today. (Sunday) I'm suprisingly awake and chipper although I only had 5 hours of sleep last night. I stayed up late talking on the phone with a close friend. It was one of those long conversations that covers many topics, and doesn't seem to have an ending. I had to force myself to say goodbye around 1:30 am. This was the beginning of my epiphany.

There has been something rattling around in the back of my consciousness for quite some time, especially after my long phone call last night. It has been more present in my thoughts today, and I'm feeling a little turned around because of it. We were talking about my daughter's ADHD, and depression in general, and my friend was telling me about her own diagnosis as Bi-Polar. Myself, I've been in and out of Dr.s' offices to occasionally get help for my depression, but never seem to have insurance long enough to really get a solid diagnosis. I've resisted the labels as long as I could; Borderline Personality, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, general Clinical Depression, Post-Partum Depression. But there was always one label that kept popping back into my head. Bi-Polar Disorder. Too many of the textbook symptoms seem to fit. And thanks to journaling, I have noticed a clear and undeniable pattern of cycles. Some things that my friend said to me really seemed to bring it all home and hit the nail on the head. I finally began to admit to myself that I may be BiPolar. Of course, I will leave it to the professionals to officially diagnose me as they will.... when I get to the point of being able to go to someone.... if and when I decide I need to do that. This is what has been rattling in my head all day; you understand the resulting feeling of being a bit turned around today.

Finally at home, I am wondering what to Blog about today. I decide I'll pull a card from my trust Housewives Tarot deck (by Paul Kepple and Jude Buffum) to do my Daily Draw. Just wanting to do a general reading, I don't really focus on a specific question, but simply ask the Housewives to show me something that I need to see.

The Hanged Man
"* Epiphany * Hardship * A Turning Point *

"You've had an epiphany and finally see things as they really are. Whether its your backstabbing girlfriend, your new washer/dryer set that isn't working, or a womanizing no-goodnick husband, it's time to hang your problems out to dry. This may seem like a hard thing to do, but you must. Enough is enough!! Keep in mind that this sacrifice and time of hardshp is necessary to make way for future happiness." (~ from the guidebook for The Houswives Tarot by P. Kepple and J. Buffum.)

Talk about In-Your-Face! I had to laugh. "Okay, okay, I GET IT.!!" Somehow I feel better. I feel peaceful and accepting. But also a little nervous. The classic version of this card from the Rider-Waite deck (also pictured above) tells me that sometimes we have to be forced into an uncomfortable situation in order to change our perspective and therefore reach enlightenment. It refers to the sacrifice of personal comforts in order to better understand ourselves. Latley I have been going thru one of my super-motivated, inspired, creative, happy stages. I don't want it to end. It shouldn't. But if and when it does, it will only confirm my suspicions. I only hope that I will find the courage to reach out, and admit it if I need help.