Angelic Guidance... time to quit!

It's been on my mind for awhile now, flitting around between my conscious thoughts, my dreams, and my subconscious. It keeps getting bumped to the foreground, and I keep bumping it back into that "I'll deal with it later" section of my brain.... Quitting Smoking.
I keep getting the Two of Swords in my readings. I got it again last night. When I was looking at it last night, I realized something. I have always seen the blindfold on the woman as a hindrance... an obstacle. She is obviously balancing on the edge of making a choice, poised for action.... but how can one make a choice when they can't see their options? It finally struck me last night; the blindfold is a tool. She has blocked her eyes so that she must focus inward; she needs to look inward. The choice that needs to be made has to do with the battle within herself, in her own mind and spirit... the blindfold is helping her keep herself focused on the inner conflict until it is resolved.
Once I felt this and saw this; the first thing that came to mind was "I need to quit smoking". Uh-oh.... deep breath... am I really gonna go there again? The concept of quitting smoking fills me with dread, memories of past failed attempts, feelings of inadequacy. But, the thought and desire has been here for quite some time, but I have just been putting it off. I don't know how many times I have told myself, "I'll quit next week", or "I'll quit tomorrow". But looking at that Two of Swords, I suddenly knew; this needs to happen now.
First thing I did was go to my Spirit Sisters... a group of wonderful online friends who I know will listen to me and support me. I told them I want to quit smoking and I told them of my plan to start by cutting back. I am going to start by just becoming aware of my triggers so I can avoid them. I'll post more on that later.
The second thing I did was give myself an Oracle Card reading. I hadn't used my Archangel cards in awhile, but I felt drawn to them. I just wanted to see what advice the Angels have to help me in this decision.

My Oracle Card Reading
10-24-10
using the deck; "Archangel Oracle Cards" by Doreen Virtue Ph.D.
3 card spread - Mind, Body, Spirit
As I shuffled, I asked the cards, "Which Angels are here to help me quit smoking, and what advice do they have for me?"

Card 1; Mind (The Angel's advice for my Mind)
Archangel Uriel; Brilliant Idea! "Yes, your idea is Divinely guided.... please take action to bring your idea to fruition."
....okay, if I needed any additional confirmation that I need to quit smoking, there it is. Uriel is telling me that I'm on the right track!

Card 2; Body (The Angel's advice for my Body)
Archangel Raphael; Breathe. "Take several deep breaths, and exhale slowly to awaken your energy and to release old patterns."
....once again... major confirmation. Not only are breathing exercises going to help me quit smoking, but this card is about releasing old patterns. Wow, I love these Angel cards!

Card 3; Spirit (The Angel's advice for my Spirit)
Archangel Metatron; Chakra Clearing. "Call upon me to clear and open your chakras, using sacred geometric shapes."
..... Chakra clearing and meditation are going to be key in this journey... I will have to balance and heal the rifts in my chakras that have been created by years of addiction to nicotine. But knowing I have Metatron's attention and help is very comforting!

I was looking at these cards that I had drawn, but I didn't feel like the reading was over yet. I had only planned on drawing three cards, but I just had a strong feeling to draw three more. So I did. I placed one additional card on top of the 3 that I had already drawn;

Card 1.2; Mind
Archangel Uriel; You Know What To Do. "Trust your inner knowledge, and act upon it without delay."
Uriel again! And in the same card position as the first time, Confirming again that I am on the right track, but also confirming that I CAN do this if I follow my heart... I know what to do, and as long as I follow through with each step I will be fine. I will have to remember to call upon Uriel when I am doubting myself....

Card 2.2; Body
Archangel Raphael; Healthy Lifestyle "Eat a healthful diet, get adequate sleep, and exercise regularly for optimal health."
Yep, Raphael again!! And in the same card position, again!! This deck contains 45 cards with 12 different Archangels... what are the odds?? And this specific card... well, as if I needed more confirmation at his point... but this is about my health. Not only is quitting smoking for my health, but drinking plenty of water, eating right, exercising and sleeping well are things that are going to help me quit smoking. I think maybe I did need additional confirmation... at this point I can't turn away from these incredibly clear messages!

Card 3.2; Spirit
Archangel Jophiel; Outdoors "Go outside, get some fresh air, and connect with nature to relive stress and gain new, creative ideas."
Jophiel often comes to me to inspire me and remind me to get back to basics. In this reading, here she is again, reminding me that Nature and being outdoors is a great healing energy and that I should take many opportunities to be outside while I quit smoking. She also reminded me that I will be able to enjoy my time outside more often once I'm not holding a cigarette every time I step outdoors :)

Libra Spread ~ I Balance ~

Libra Spread ~ I Balance ~

1) My power of decision making
2) My ability to bond in a relationship
3) My ability to connect in a professional collaboration
4 ) My aggression and my desire for peace (How do I fight?)
5) My will to forgive (How do I make peace? How vindictive am I?)
6) What do I give to my lover?
7) What kinds of feelings do I suppress?
8) How is my artistic feeling?
9) How superficial am I? (How moody am I?)

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So, I decided to give myself a reading and use this spread. It seemed like a nice follow-up to my last reading, The Balance spread that I did for the Autumnal equinox. I have been working hard at finding the balance between my personal life, my professional life, and my priorities as a wife and mom, but this past week it seems like I've hit a wall. I lost all my motivation and drive, and could feel myself just wanting to give up on trying to find balance in my life. I've just been feeling like there is no way to balance it all; wife, mother, housekeeper, volunteer, waitress, tarot reader, ME! Often when I'm feeling "in a funk", a tarot reading will help give me the perspective I need, and give me the "jump start" that I'm looking for. I decided to use my newest deck, The Goddess Tarot by Kris Waldherr.

Here is my Tarot reading.

The first thing I noticed was that there is a lack of cups. Since this spread is about balance, I notice this and realize my Water energy is out of balance. My emotions have been out of whack. I have not done much of anything this week, because I "don't feel like it" and then I beat myself up and judge myself for not getting anything done, which just perpetuates the cycle of inactivity. *Makes a mental note-to-self to find a way to balance my water energy.
The suits that are present are Earth and Fire (Pentacles and Staves/Wands) In the Goddess tarot, the suit of Staves is related to The Path of Freyja - The Norse Goddess of creativity, fertility, and beauty. Procreative, wands channel energy to areas where growth can occur. The suit of Pentacles relates to The Path of Lakshmi - Hindu Goddess of fortune and prosperity. The riches contained within the Earth. The grand Harvest of life, and the bounty of the cycles, Lakshmi is the personification of fertile, prosperous, and feminine force. This Fire/Earth combo is a strong call to be creative and procreative in my life… rather than waiting for the balance to occur I should take creative steps and actions to create the balance I desire.

There is one Swords/Air card in the reading, and it's right smack in the middle of the spread - you can't ignore the big fat bleeding heart of the Three of Swords right there, can you? And that is where the reading begins, with card one;

1) My power of decision making - Three of Swords - relying too much on others to help me make choices, though sometimes this may create conflict. Self-destructive. Fear of pain and loss or sorrow effects my decision making. I keep waiting for my husband to kinda take the lead on certain things, but it just hasn't been happening. My non-action is the same as driving a sword into my own heart; it's self destructive and doesn't propell me further down my path but just leaves me tied to my old scars and fears.
2) My ability to bond in a relationship - Four of Pentacles - must feel stability in financial realm. Need to have control over finances in order to feel comfort that promotes bonding. If I am worried about money and stability, I close myself off. If I am feeling secure and in control, I am much more likely to open up and bond with others.
3) My ability to connect in a professional collaboration - Nine of Wands - I keep myself somewhat protected or separate from others, need to be able to pause and think things over before moving forward. Desire to prioritize and plan things out. Perhaps this wall that I have built has ceased being a protective boundary and has become a wall of limitation.
4 ) My aggression and my desire for peace (How do I fight?) Nine of Pentacles - I have a strong desire to enjoy the fruits of my labor. My desire for peace is strong, just want to enjoy beauty. Will fight for what I have worked for, or to protect the peace and beauty that I have built.
5) My will to forgive (How do I make peace? How vindictive am I?) 20 Judgment (Gwenhwyfar) - Forgives but does not forget. Will learn from the past, I won’t allow someone to get too close once they have wronged me or hurt me. I can be a harsh judge of others, and a harsh judge of myself.
6) What do I give to my lover? King of Pentacles - respect, the ability to rule the home and finances, stability. I can give him a stable home environment. There is somewhat of a conflict here though, since with card 2 (and what I already know of myself), I need to be somewhat in charge of the finances in order to bond in a relationship. I know my husband also desires this control, and I have given him that responsibility over finances, but this has caused me to have feelings of insecurity. This has given me reason to pause and think; I guess we will have to work on a compromise and middle ground in which I can let him feel like the King of Pentacles, yet I can still maintain a sense of control over finances and our security.
7) What kinds of feelings do I suppress? Four of Wands - putting down roots, commiting to a goal, my frustrations about home life and romance. I hold in my frustrations about home life and romance, it's true. I need to find my voice and not just internalize my frustrations...

8) How is my artistic feeling? Page of Wands - my artistic feelings and creativity come with waves of passion, a new thing or person will trigger a new spark of interest, but it will not always be lasting. Yes, that is an understatement. It's also called "I'm a Capricorn with ADD."
9) How superficial am I? (How moody am I?) 15 Temptation (The Devil) (Nyai Loro Kidul) My moods and goals are strongly effected by my innermost desires, but also by my addictions and temptations. I easily become a slave to my moods, and obsessed by my desires - or obsessed with things that are out of my control. I focus my energies in the wrong direction, avoiding the things that really need to be done, and that just gets me in more trouble. My drug of choice; Procrastination. I need to control my temptation to follow my moods and better listen to my Higher Self.

I added together the numbers of the cards to find my "Sum of The Digits" card, which is like an Overall Advice card to summarize the whole reading. Interestingly, the card I got is the card associated with Lakshmi, who was already "flagged" in this reading with the presence of her related suit; Pentacles.
Sum of the Digits - 10 - Fortune [The Wheel of Fortune] (Lakshmi)
Overall advice of the reading - Be open to the generosity of the Universe. Be open to abundance, have positive expectations. Be aware of Beauty and Love all around me.