Saturday, January 23, 2010

Dear Capricorn

Dear Over-Achiever of the Zodiac,

This is your inner self. Don't be alarmed, I know we don't usually communicate this directly. I just had couple of things to mention. You know how you always feel more alive when you have a million things to do? Yeah, it's stressful, but you get so many ideas and just want to take them all on at one. Get Organized. Be a better mom. Be a better housewife. Get healthy. Start a website. Start a blog. Start another blog. Become an avid social-networker. Oh, and don't forget to cook dinner, give the kids their baths, and still find time to brush your teeth or take shower. You have a bunch of projects going, get overwhelmed and unbalanced because you're somewhat of a perfectionist, and hard on yourself because you can't do it all...
Then, realizing that nothing you are doing is meeting your high expectations - you're not helping enough people, creating enough art, you feel like you have run out of creative and expressive or unique things to say, and suddenly everything is spiraling out of control.
and then you shut down, let it all go, try to find your balance again...

but when you find your balance again, your motivation comes back full swing, and you find yourself taking on a whole bunch of new projects again

and you think, when I am I gonna learn to not take on too much?

But what you have to realize, dear Capricorn, is that it's not necessarily "taking on too much" that constantly brings you down.

It's you perfectionism. It's your fear of failure. Climbing up that steep slope is hard work, tedious work. Taking one step at a time, it's hard to tell if you are any closer to the summit... and without seeing any results, how do you know if you're headed in the right direction? So you take a leap, a couple big jumps. Yes, now things are moving faster, and you can see some results. The payoff is exhilarating. So you do it again, get confident, take on another goal or project, take another leap and bound. You go on like this for awhile,picking up pace, seeing results and taking on more and more as you go.

The mental and physical strain may start to kick in now, but what really gets you is your perfectionism. Because sooner or later, you realize that somewhere long the way, you missed something. You made a mistake, skipped a step, got sloppy. You could keep going. Heck, at this point, most people would. But No, you're a Capricorn - and Quality is more important than Quantity in your mind and heart. So it begins, you slow down, but you start to question your abilities, your status, your motives. You turn and look back, wondering if you should just start over again, or if you should go back and take a different path this time. Now you're not only overwhelmed, but you're confused. This is when the spiral happens. You doubt yourself, you fear the mistakes, you become unsure of whether or not you even really want this goal you have been working so hard for. Without this sense of direction and drive, you find yourself wallowing again. Directionless and exhausted, it's easier to just tread water for a little while.

As before, you find your footing again. Eventually you stand up again,and find a sense of direction again. This time,take it slow.. surely you have leaned by now that you'll be happier this way. Patience with yourself will be a great thing to learn. And even if you do get ahead of yourself or take on too much... remember that your perfectionism is just the voice of your fear and doubt. You don't have to let it all go, you don't have to slip back down the mountain. Set up camp right there on the slope, prioritize and re-evaluate, and then pick up where you left off again. You can do it, I know you can.

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