Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Weird / Trade

Mood: Wierd. Weird. how do you spell that? Dammit.
Today I: Worked. Then came home and proceeded to continue feeling wierd.
Listening To: Regina Spektor... for the last 3 days straight.

I feel wierd. Kinda lost... between moods and feelings. A sense of foreboding... like I should be worried about something. Could be stress. I hardly slept at all last night... one of those tossing and turning type of nights, with aches and pains and my mind spinning making it impossible to sleep. I finally fell asleep around 3 am. Then woke up at 6 am to find that our water heater had busted and leaked from the laundry room, thru the kitchen, and into the office on the carpet. While I was at work someone came to replace the water heater. But these wierd electric problems keep popping up. The swamp cooler wasn't really working today and the house is hot. I don't want to call the landlord again, I feel like we are being burdens... even though the problems are not our fault. But still, I feel like there is something else, other than the maintenence issues with the house. Something else that has got me feeling all backwards. I am wondering if it's just my hormones... just this crappy depression that seems to hit me right before I start my menstrual cycle. I hope it's just hormones, just this stupid clinical depression again. Because I am not ready for any more stress.

It's hard to feel like doing anything when it's so hot. And summer hasn't really hit yet. I should call the landlord about the swamp cooler....

I'm just doubting myself, my choices. Feeling paranoid and uneasy. Maybe it's the Mercury Retrograde (which started today). Tonite I'm gonna take something before bed, because I don't want another sleepless night. A night of deep, dark, medicated, dreamless oblivion sounds divine.

Mood: Peaceful
Listening To: Fleetwood Mac
Today I; Cleaned house (a little), shopped (a little) and worked (a little)

I'm feeling better than I did yesterday. That anxiety is gone, thank goodness. I traded the anxiety for cramps and the bloated-yucky-no-fun-being-a-girl feeling. But I will take it... I would MUCH rather deal with the physical symptoms than the mental and emotional ones. It is a good thing that I had some Xanax left from a prescription awhile back, or I might not have gotten any sleep last night! A favorite quote from King of The Hill ; "Ala-Ka-Zam, AlPraZoLam!" (Nancy Gribble). Now I'm needing some Motrin or Pamprin or something, but at least I'm not feeling all depressed and paranoid today.

I did a minimal amount of housework today. Unpacked the DVDs and put them on the shelf in the Livingroom. Washed the Dishes. Picked up a couple things at the store. I got a couple small laundry racks to hang laundry on to dry outside, as my Dryer is on the fritz. It's either our Dryer or the electrical connection... not sure yet. But my clothes will be sun-dried until we figure it out. It's another trade... the convenience of a dryer, but a lower electric bill. Sweaty, but a few dollars saved. Actually, since we moved out of the apartment, I have given up a few conveniences that I used to think I really needed. No Microwave. No Dishwasher. I don't really miss either of them. And hey, if I can live without those, I can probably live without a Dryer too.

I also traded my usual Monday Night At Home for a Monday night at work. I picked up a shift from a co-worker. It was really slow, but kinda relaxing in a way. Didn't make a whole lot of money, but hey, it's money that I didn't have this morning!

I'm off work tomorrow, and I'm actually NOT going to be stuck at home. A friend is letting me borrow her car. Which means I can go grocery shopping BEFORE my husband gets home from work. Which means I can get that done early and maybe actually enjoy my evening at home! Now, if I can only motivate myself to make a grocery list and actually leave the house in the morning....

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