how will I go
Back on the shelf
with a smile
with a smile
to the customer and say
on sale by the owner
Here I go again
Is that all I am
just a Doll you got used to
We've done this before
as Mars sauntered through his door
Don't say it's time to say
Goodbye to Pisces
Goodbye to Pisces
Goodbye my Pisces"
~ Tori Amos, "Goodbye Pisces", from The Beekeeper, Sword and Stone
The Pisces sun has taught me a lot, and although the sun has now transited to Aries, I feel that it is time to take one final look at what I have learned through this Pisces cycle. Drawing some cards from my trusty Housewives' Tarot deck, and following some questions as posted here - Journaling With Pisces and The Moon, time for a little journey within....
What does this card represent to you? The Moon from The Housewives' Tarot doesn't have the usual symbolism of dogs, towers, or overall dismal terrain, but simply the image of a woman sleeping. What are her dreams telling her? Does she listen to them, or pass them off as simply dreams and nothing more? Is she afraid of her dreams, or inspired by them? These are the questions that I see represented in this card, as well as a call to pay attention to your inner voice. Drawing another card, asking myself, what does this card's imagery represent to me? I got...
The Knight of Wands
*exuberance * mischief * loyalty
My dreams have both the power to propel me forward, and to leave me frozen in fear. Am I being loyal to my dreams and instincts? Am I feeling exuberant about the messages of my inner voice? Am I willing to get into some mischief or will I take the safer path? Why am I answering a question with more questions? Simply put, this card shows me one thing in particular - my dreams are a vehicle, my instincts and desires are my vehicle and my armor, but I must pump the pedals and choose to move the vehicle forward myself, or leave it parked and let my dreams simply remain dreams.
What have you forgotten? I drew the Six of Wands. * Victory * Triumph * Praise *. Have I forgotten the feelings of victory and triumph? Certainly. I have become beaten down by certain events and circumstances in my life. At this point, I don't even have a home to be proud of, and I'm living on borrowed time, in borrowed property. I don't feel worthy of praise, but perhaps I have forgotten how to take pride in other aspects of my life, and I have forgotten how to feel victorious. Funny how this card focuses around the Shiny Sink, which is the focal point of my Housekeeping Mentor - The FlyLady. Have I forgotten to take pride and feel triumph over the state of my current home, just because of the fact that we are being forced to move? I need to take it back to basics, Shine My Sink, and allow myself to feel Victorious and Triumphant, because feeling anything less than that is just blocking the real victories from manifesting.
What do you instinctively want to do? I have been having trouble determining the difference between my instincts and my worries lately. On one hand, I am not worried at all. I should be running around frantically, trying to find a place to live, a job, etc. But most of the time I am just going about life as usual. Am I in denial, or are my instincts simply telling me not to worry?? I drew the Ace of Cups. Hmm... renewal, celebration, *new relationships * Beginnings * Foundation * Instinctively I know that change is good, that all things happen for the best, and that this is just another part of my soul's cycle. Raise the glass, make a toast. "To Beginnings!"
What kind of cycle or pattern are you repeating? "We've done, we've done this before, As Mars saunters through his door...." Have I been through this before? The Seven of Wands says Yes, Repeatedly. When in my life have I not faced challenges and crisis? When have I not been fighting for something? Life is a series of challenges, and I must keep that in mind. I've survived much in the past, but that was the past. This is my current challenge, here, now. Yes, I have cleaned the damned toilet every week for the past eleven years. But if I stop now, what will I have? A dirty toilet. At least over the years I have learned tips and tricks, refined my methods, and have gathered a whole slew of cleaning supplies to attack those stubborn new stains.
Are your actions appropriate to this particular situation or are you responding to some past situation? Actions? Half the time I am wondering what actions I can take. The other half of the time I am beating myself up for not taking the obvious actions. But I think in the long run, there is only so much I have been able to do. An occasional day spent doing job search or online applications, followed by days of simply doing the housewife thing. One day might be all work or business, followed by 3 days of reading fiction and writing poetry. Temperance says I have managed to blend a little bit of my past and present situations into the mix. Not reacting wholly on my past, but not leaving my past out of my actions either. I think, at least when it comes to the actions I take, I have learned not to let my past define me - but have also learned when to take a page or two from my past in the name of experience or wisdom.
What is bewildering or confusing you? How could things have gone so wrong? Why is it so unfair? This was supposed to be the happy time of buying our first home, and it turned into a nightmare (no fault of ours) because of other people's greed and stupidity. Death. I guess I have been a bit bewildered and confused about this whole thing with buying this house. Then finding out we can't buy this house, because the previous owners were dishonest and the bank made a mistake, so now we have to leave. Somewhere in my happy little housewife's life, I was under the impression that people were honest and good, and that somehow or another I would have my dream home. The dream went bad, I have to let it go. I'm still in shock, bewildered. But when you find that rotten food in the fridge, you don't keep it and hope that it gets good again. You throw it away and buy new food.
What is real and what is illusory? Control. It's real, but it's an illusion. I don't have control over these circumstances, but I DO have control over my life... it's all in how I react. Material Things. These are also both real and illusion. I may feel like I need more to get by, but in reality, I have much more than I need, and need much less than what I have. I am the Queen of Pentacles... this card is actually my astrological court card, and often my significator. So why did it come up here, for this question? Because this is me, but this is also the Illusion of me. I have the potential of being a control freak, I have the ability to be materialistic, I can have high expectations. But these are not rules that bind me. They are nothing more than words to describe the sometimes-real and sometimes-not aspects of me. I can deal with that.