Friday, October 30, 2009
Afraid of Halloween??... why I live in secrecy....
I found this article over at CBN. The article has since been taken down, but I'm including a link to the cached article.
The Danger of Celebrating Halloween
By Kimberly Daniels
Guest Writer
CBN.com - Halloween-October 31-is considered a holiday in the United States. In fact, it rivals Christmas with regard to how widely celebrated it is. Stores that sell only Halloween-related paraphernalia open up a few months before the day and close shortly after it ends. But is Halloween a holiday that Christians should be observing?
The word "holiday" means "holy day." But there is nothing holy about Halloween. The root word of Halloween is "hallow," which means "holy, consecrated and set apart for service." If this holiday is hallowed, whose service is it set apart for? The answer to that question is very easy-Lucifer's!
Lucifer is a part of the demonic godhead. Remember, everything God has, the devil has a counterfeit. Halloween is a counterfeit holy day that is dedicated to celebrating the demonic trinity of : the Luciferian Spirit (the false father); the Antichrist Spirit (the false holy spirit); and the Spirit of Belial (the false son).
The key word in discussing Halloween is "dedicated." It is dedicated to darkness and is an accursed season. During Halloween, time-released curses are always loosed. A time-released curse is a period that has been set aside to release demonic activity and to ensnare souls in great measure.
You may ask, "Doesn't God have more power than the devil?" Yes, but He has given that power to us. If we do not walk in it, we will become the devil's prey. Witchcraft works through dirty hearts and wrong spirits.
During this period demons are assigned against those who participate in the rituals and festivities. These demons are automatically drawn to the fetishes that open doors for them to come into the lives of human beings. For example, most of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches.
Even the colors of Halloween (orange, brown and dark red) are dedicated. These colors are connected to the fall equinox, which is around the 20th or 21st of September each year and is sometimes called "Mabon." During this season witches are celebrating the changing of the seasons from summer to fall. They give praise to the gods for the demonic harvest. They pray to the gods of the elements (air, fire, water and earth).
Mother earth is highly celebrated during the fall demonic harvest. Witches praise mother earth by bringing her fruits, nuts and herbs. Demons are loosed during these acts of worship. When nice church folk lay out their pumpkins on the church lawn, fill their baskets with nuts and herbs, and fire up their bonfires, the demons get busy. They have no respect for the church grounds. They respect only the sacrifice and do not care if it comes from believers or non-believers.
Gathering around bonfires is a common practice in pagan worship. As I remember, the bonfires that I attended during homecoming week when I was in high school were always in the fall. I am amazed at how we ignorantly participate in pagan, occult rituals.
The gods of harvest that the witches worship during their fall festivals are the Corn King and the Harvest Lord. The devil is too stupid to understand that Jesus is the Lord of the Harvest 365 days a year. But we cannot be ignorant of the devices of the enemy. When we pray, we bind the powers of the strong men that people involved in the occult worship.
Halloween is much more than a holiday filled with fun and tricks or treats. It is a time for the gathering of evil that masquerades behind the fictitious characters of Dracula, werewolves, mummies and witches on brooms. The truth is that these demons that have been presented as scary cartoons actually exist. I have prayed for witches who are addicted to drinking blood and howling at the moon.
While the lukewarm and ignorant think of these customs as "just harmless fun," the vortexes of hell are releasing new assignments against souls. Witches take pride in laughing at the ignorance of natural men (those who ignore the spirit realm).
Decorating buildings with Halloween scenes, dressing up for parties, going door-to-door for candy, standing around bonfires and highlighting pumpkin patches are all acts rooted in entertaining familiar spirits. All these activities are demonic and have occult roots.
The word "occult" means "secret." The danger of Halloween is not in the scary things we see but in the secret, wicked, cruel activities that go on behind the scenes. These activities include:
Sex with demons
Orgies between animals and humans
Animal and human sacrifices
Sacrificing babies to shed innocent blood
Rape and molestation of adults, children and babies
Revel nights
Conjuring of demons and casting of spells
Release of "time-released" curses against the innocent and the ignorant.
Another abomination that goes on behind the scenes of Halloween is necromancy, or communication with the dead. Séances and contacting spirit guides are very popular on Halloween, so there is a lot of darkness lurking in the air.
However, Ephesians 1:19-21 speaks of the authority of the believer and the exceeding greatness of God's power in us (the same power that raised Christ from the dead). It goes on to say that that Jesus is seated in heavenly places far above all principalities, power, might, dominions and every name that is named. The good news is that because we are seated in heavenly places with Jesus, the same demonic activity that is under His feet is under our feet, too!
People who worship the devil continue to attempt to lift him up. But he has already been cast out and down! Many are blinded to this fact, but the day will come when all will know he has been defeated once and for all.
When we accept Jesus but refuse to renounce Satan and his practices, we are neither hot nor cold but lukewarm-and the Word says that God will spit us out of His mouth. The problem with lukewarm is that it attempts to mix the things of the devil with the things of God. It is God's desire that we serve Him alone.
Second Corinthians 6:15 asks the question, "And what agreement has Christ with Belial?" As believers, we need to answer that question in our hearts. We must avoid the very appearance of evil. I would not want a demon spirit to mistake me for an occult worshiper.
There is no doubt in my heart that God is not calling us to replace fall festivals and Halloween activities; rather, He wants us to utterly destroy the deeds of this season. If you or your family members have opened the door to any curses that are released during the demonic fall festivals, renounce them and repent. I already have. Then declare with me: "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!"
--------------------------------
WOW...
I mean really..... WOW! That is totally hilarious and totally scary at the same time. Sex with demons? Sacrificing babies? Cursing the candy??WOW... I am just flabbergasted (Yep.. I said "flabergasted" LOL!) that anyone could write this.. it is obviously just fear propaganda - and not even researched at all! I found it funny that while she wants to point out it's obvious roots in Pagan holidays, she mentions Mabon but makes NO reference to Samhain! I mean, if she really wanted to make a point about Halloween's "Pagan Roots" she could have at least done an internet search on the topic!
I know exactly the type of point of view she is coming from - was raised attending a Southern Baptist church with my mom. Now I'm not sure if they really bought into all of the stuff about witches in this article... but I do know that some of this is what was preached. Basically, they taught that anything that leads you away from the straight and narrow Christian path is a Lie created by the Devil and his Demons. If you follow any other religion other than theirs, it is because you have been tricked by the Devil into believing something else - and this trickery could have been avoided if you had been a more devout Christian. This is what my mom and her church believes. This kind of fear and propaganda is why I am still in the "Broom Closet", and after 10 years I still can't tell my mom that I am a Wiccan.
Here's an example - When I was 16, she found a deck of Tarot cards I had borrowed from a friend. I hadn't even used them because of fear, I had just looked at them once. She took them away, and instead of giving them back to my friend, she BURNED them, claming that they were a tool of the Devil, and if I were to give them back to my friend, I would just be allowing her to be lead astray. I would LOVE to be honest with my mother and tell her about the beauty of my Pagan beliefs, and about the healing I have helped others accomplish by giving Tarot card readings. But it would totally crush her world... she would never be able to accept it because she would just think that I am being tricked and tempted by the devil. She would never be able to see past this wall of fear that has been created by her church to see some of the beauty - or even find tolerance for - my beliefs. So, I live in secrecy when it comes to my family - but only because I really don't want to give up a functional and loving relationship with my mother.....
sorry this turned into such a long post. It just really hits close to home when I see stuff like this - because of this kind of ignorance and intolerance I am not even free to be honest with my own mother....
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Ascended Masters - Confucius & Jesus
"Ascended Masters" ~ Powerful, loving, and wise spiritual teachers are watching over you and guiding you."
From the guidebook by Doreen Virtue; "This card indicates that you have a strong connection with one or more ascended masters , who are helping you with the situation you've inquired about. Ascended Masters are powerful teachers and healers who once walked the earth. Many are associated with religions such as Jesus, Quan Yin, the saints, Moses, Mother Mary, Ganesha, Buddha, Confucius, and so forth. You don't have to be a religious person to warrant an Ascended Master's attention. The only qualification is sincerity and pure desire to work with the deity for the betterment of humanity and the planet. The first Ascended Master or Masters who enter your thoughts right now are the beings who are helping you. These masters love and honor you. They know of your talents and spiritual gifts, and they'll help you hone them so they may be used in sacred service."
The first Ascended Master to pop into my mind was Confucius. I get a daily quote of his on my iGoogle page, and I find these simple quotes very inspiring. But then I realized, if I was being totally honest with myself, the first Ascended Master to pop into my mind tonite was Jesus. I at first tried to deny this; too many years of "bad blood" between me and Christianity. I started looking up Confucius quotes but that sinking feeling was still here. Then I realized, this card is talking about The Ascended Masters, and their teachings, not the dogmatic rules of the man-made religions that crudely represent them. I have no problem with Jesus himself, and his teachings, but I tend to distance myself from his Archetype because of a personal problem with the Fundies. *Sigh* So I typed in a search for Jesus Quotes and this is the first one I came across;
"Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."(Matthew 6.31-34 ESV)
I immediately knew that this is the message I was intended to hear tonite. I am smiling again, because two things have happened for me tonite. First, I have been reminded that the God and Goddess are with me, that my worry and anxiety do nothing to solve the problem, and that "Tomorrow will be anxious for itself".... what will be will be, Que Sera, Sera! Putting my energy towards Spiritual enlightenment, rather than worldly worry will bring the resolutions I seek. Second, I have finally been able to separate "Jesus The Ascended Master" from the "Jesus of the Insane Baptist Church of my Youth." Perhaps I can begin to develop a relationship with him again, after all?
Once I mentally digested this little nugget, I could still hear the quiet nudge from Confucius, tapping my shoulder. I could just picture Jesus and Confucius standing behind me, patiently waiting for me to "get it". So I did another random search (what would the world be without Internet search engines?), this time for Confucius Quotes. I found two that seemed to go along with the other;
"With coarse rice to eat, with water to drink, and my bended arm for a pillow - I have still joy in the midst of these things. Riches and honors acquired by unrighteousness are to me as a floating cloud."
&
"The scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar."
~ Confucius, The Confucian Analects
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Thursday's 13 - 13 things I did today
AAAAHH!! I was typing this last night, and Blogger suddenly had some very annoying technical difficulties that prevented me from finishing it or posting it! Thankfully most of my draft was saved!!!
http://thursday-13.com/2009/10/21/thursday-13-week-42/
A Not-So-Average Day In My Life
1) Woke up and realized that I had forgotten to play "Tooth Fairy" last night. HOW could I do that? My 6 yr old daughter just lost her 1st tooth! Fortunatley, she was in the bathroom and the other 2 kids were still sleeping - I was able to sneak into her room and make the switch. This of course, resulted in her screeching with suprise as she returned to her room and found that the tooth that had been there moments before was gone, replaced with money. Of course, she finds mommy in her bed, "sleeping" - after screaming so loud that she had woken everyone up, except for me :o)
2) Made a healthy breakfast of GrapeNuts cereal with raisins, Yogurt, and juice. Yep, I'm making an effort to change from the quick & easy breakfast to the fresh fruits or other healthy stuff breakfasts. (Aartianna, aren't you proud?)
3) Played on FaceBook. For way too long. What can I say?
4) Drank a coffee from Starbucks. Hubby was home today and went out and got us each a Starbucks, a special indulgence, and yes - one of my guilty pleasures.
5) Finally washed the dishes, scrubbed the countertops, swept the kitchen floor and took out the trash. I had been putting this off since Wednesday.... but once I got started it only took me 30 minutes to do. (kicking myself in the butt and reminding myself of all I havelearned from FlyLady ) I blame temporary amnesia. But, all is back in order now!
6) Got in the car with son and Hubby and took a drive. OMG it was so nice to get out of the apartment for awhile!!
7) Ended up at a used book store - can you say HEAVEN?? *Contented Sigh* Browsed among hundreds of books - love the smell of books!! Bought Mr. X a "Super Why" Matching Card Game, bought myself another blank Tarot journal, and a copy of Buckland's "Practical Candleburning Rituals"
8) Went across the street to eat at McDonalds (I know, EEWWW!) But they have this really big awesome play land, with some almost-life sized replicas of DINOSAURS - Mr. X had so much fun!!!
9) Drove around town some more, looking for a guitar shop for Hubby. He was given a guitar and is teaching himself to pla. We found a really nice music shop and looked around - we will have to go back there again sometime!
10) We came home (Mr. X made it the whole 3 hours without having an accident, an he used the public restrooms about 4 times - YAY!) The girls came home from school and since it was so nice outside, I sat on the steps and watched them while all 3 of my kids played in the grass.
11) I cooked dinner. Nothing special, the cupboards are getting bare (it's the end of the week). Hamburger Helper, Veggies, Fruit, and Bread.
12) I spent some time looking at my new books, and some more time on FaceBook. My two favorite shows were not on this week, so while my Thursdays are usually booked, I had some extra free time. (The Vampire Diaries was a re-run, and Fringe wasn't on due to baseball.) I even washed the dishes, put the kids to bed, and cleaned up the livingroom at my leisure. But it all got done!!
13) I drew a Tarot Card for the day. Just out of boredom and curiosity, I asked the Tarot to clarify what my lesson for the day had been. I drew the 9 of Pentacles. I know I definatley had the "Enjoying Leisure" part of this car down, and I did feel pretty in control of my life today (Even though hubby was home and we went out for awhile, I still had the self-discipline to get my housework done.) And - I am crossing my fingers and knocking on wood - because this card can indicate that my harvest is almost ready, that it is almost time to see the benefits and rewards of all my hard work, determination, self-control, and faith. (A house?? Our House? Can I dare to get my hopes up?!?!?!)
Book of Shadows
This was a suggestion by one of our regulars, and it will surely bring a wide range of answers.....What is your Book of Shadows/Grimoire like?Is it digital or hand-written? A spiral bound notebook, loose leaf pages in a binder, or in a handmade binding?What kinds of things do you keep in this book, and what things do you leave out or reserve for another book?If you are willing, perhaps take a picture or two to share with us.How do you ensure the safety of this information? Where do you keep it?
My Book of Shadows is a work in progress. I use a three ring binder so I can add stuff in different sections or move things around if I want to. It varies from hand written, decorated scrapbook style pages, to plain handwritten pages, to some typed and computer printed pages. I have so much more that I would like to add to it but haven't yet... as I said, it is a work in progress and it is always growing and changing (like me).
I used to have just one, but later divided some stuff into seperate notebooks. I have a seperate binder for all my Tarot related stuff (and I have a couple different tarot journals as well - which are blank journal books or spiral notebooks). I have another binder that is my "Wheel of the Year" journal, in which I keep everything related to Sabbats and Astrology. My main Book of Shadows is the collection of everything else; Prayers, Rituals, Correspondences, Elements, Chakras, whatever I have studied over the years. Here is my current "Table of Contents" for my Book of Shadows -
Book of Shadows Blessing
Wiccan Rede
Blessings, Prayers & Poems
Ritual Information;
* Altar and Tools * Ritual Outline * Ritual Preparation * Opening Prayers & Invokations * Closings
Moon Power;
* Table & Correspondences * Moon & Astrology * Moon Prayers & Chants * Moon Rituals & Spells
Elements
Earth Power - Correspondences * Earth Prayer * Spells & Rituals
Air Power - Correspondences * Air Prayer * Spells & Rituals
Fire Power - Correspondences * Fire Prayer * Spells & Rituals
Water Power - Correspondences* Water Prayer * Spells & Rituals
Personal Power;
* Chakras * Meditation * Yoga * Grounding & Cleansing
I don't have any pictures of my B.O.S. to share with you today but it's a great idea to take some pictures, I will have to do that soon! I keep my B.O.S. on my special bookshelf/altar in my room, along with my other metaphysical / Pagan books.
http://paganprompts.blogspot.com/2009/10/prompt-book-of-shadows.html
Monday, October 19, 2009
Hopes, Fears, and Real-Estate
Eight weeks of waiting, hoping, praying, and we could get denied all because of $2,000. Or, we could still get approved, with an offer of $40,500 - IF my parents are willing and able to up their original offer by 600 dollars. As I said, so close yet so far away. I feel like I am sitting in a glass room with my family, and everything my family needs is on the other side of that glass wall. I can see it, I can almost touch it, but I can't quite reach it. All I can do is sit here and wait for some unseen force to lift that glass wall. I have prayed, I have offered up my tears to the Heavens....
I can't live in this apartment any more. I feel so cramped, so trapped. My kids need more space. I need more space. If we get this house, our monthly mortgage payment will be LESS than what we pay for rent for this cramped 2 bedroom apartment. I don't ask for a lot. I don't want to be rich or famous. I know we have made mistakes in our past, and that has screwed up our credit, making our options very limited. My parents helping us by buying us a house is more than I ever hoped for, possibly even more than I deserve. But my kids deserve it. They deserve to have separate bedrooms, a backyard to play in, a living room that has room to play. I can't help but feel like time is running out, this window of opportunity is not going to be here forever and yet my hopes and fears lie in the hands of others - of some faceless bank of a homeowner that I don't even know. What do I have to give that can help my kids have a better life? What more can I do but have faith?
Friday, October 16, 2009
Check your boobies & lick your lids!
Remember to give yourself monthly self-exams, and talk to your Dr about getting a mammogram! Early detection is the greatest thing you can do for yourself!
Save Lids to Save Lives®
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Tuesday's Oracle ~ Ear Chakras ~
Ear Chakras
"Notice message that appear s sounds, music, and words, both from external sources and within your mind. These messages are real answers to your prayers."
(Artwork on this card is by Audrey Rawlings Arena; www.fantasyartbyaudrey.com )
The message for this week is simple. LISTEN.
Listen to your inner voice, Listen to what people tell you, Listen to what you hear in music and in idle chatter. Somewhere in the sounds and noises, there may be a message for you. "Repetitive songs, an overheard conversation, a stranger's out-of-the-blue reassurances, or words that you hear in your mind. The angel's messages are always loving, positive,trustworthy, and constructive." ~ Doreen Virtue, from the Angel Therapy Guidebook
Enjoy The Silence
Take about 30 minutes to sit in complete silence. You may have to wait until everyone else is asleep, but take some time to turn off the radio, the T.V., the fans, anything that may create noise in your environment. When was the last time it you enjoyed complete silence? (Other than when you are sleeping) Be mindful of the silence, and how it makes you feel. What can you hear? Traffic in the distance? Neighborhood pets? Wind or birds? Is it harder to let your mind drift in he silence, or easier? Does it make you feel uncomfortable, or more peaceful? Try not to judge how your quiet time feels, just take notice of it. Take some time for meditation, quiet breathing, prayer, or yoga while you enjoy the silence.
Action Steps (from the guidebook)
In a quiet place where you are undisturbed, say the following prayer to the Archangel Michael, "I now ask you to vacuum and clear any lower energies in my physical ears and ear chakras. I am willing to release anything painful that I've ever heard, in exchange for clarity in my ability to hear the voice of love and the Angels."
NaNoWriMo starts Nov. 1st!
http://www.nanowrimo.org/
November will be National Novel Writing Month! 30 days and nights of literary abandon! Just writing, no editing is necessary! Just write and write and have 50,000 words by the end of the month, that, when put together, make some semblance of a novel. This could be interesting!
The easiest thing, I guess, would be to just write journal-style about my life and my thoughts. Though that might be boring, but not necessarily pointless. I have (or at least I like to think that I have) interesting thoughts as a mother, wife, wage slave, and spiritual person.
Another thought I had, was to write based on a daily-draw using my Tarot or Oracle cards. I could even use those as writing prompts to write about my own life. OR, I could use them as writing prompts to write about something else - something fictional perhaps. I don't know yet. I guess I do have some time to decide, and no matter what, starting Nov. 1st, I am gonna have to try and commit some time Every day to writing! Sounds daunting, scary, and fun!
Who wants to join me??? Click the link to join http://www.nanowrimo.org/, and after you sign up, search for me, I'm on as Mama_McD, and add me as a writing buddy!!
Monday, October 12, 2009
an excuse for my absence
After "The Week of The Virus" (previous post), my family was struck again, by another virus! This time it wasn't a 24 hour bug, it was the Flu. All those lovely flu symptoms of fever, body aches, sore throat, stuffy or runny nose, and a cough. The girls each missed 4 days of school, all of us were pretty useless for most of the week. Then, to top it off, as everyone else was getting better I noticed that I had a couple symptoms that were not going away. In fact, my cough and sinus pressure were just getting worse! While the "Flu" like symptoms were gone, I finally had to admit that I needed a Dr.s intervention; antibiotics were definatley in order! A dr. confirmed my fears - the crud from the flu had settled in my chest and sinuses, leading to not one,but TWO infections; a Sinus Infection AND Bronchitis!
So I'm on day TWO of the three day Z-pack antibiotics, but still in recovery. It might be a few days before I recover more fully, after all, I have been sick for about 2 weeks! I want to be better, but I'm not pushing it yet! Sorry there haven't been more blogs, I will try to get back into blogging very soon!
Sunday, October 4, 2009
WHR 10/3/09 - Week of the Virus
The Week of the Virus
Lets just say that any plans I had for deep cleaning, organizing, decluttering, or special projects were laid aside as last week we all took turns having a stomach virus. I will spare you the nasty details, it was not nearly as fun as it sounds! Monday and Tuesday it was Me and Mr. X, then Weds. and Thursday it was Miss Z's turn, followed by Daddy on Friday and Princess A on Saturday and Sunday. Once I was feeling alive enough to clean my house, it was in desperate need! Apparently, what they say is true, Mom can NEVER take a day off. The husband means well, he did make me tea and soup, and I am sure he cleaned something, though I might just be fooling myself. I think I have finally come to terms with the fact that, try as he might, his standard of "clean" is just not the same as mine (and possibly not even the same as most residents of the planet). My apartment, apparently, is home to a vortex that without the intervention of Mom, can go from live able to condemnable in 2 days. So, I have come to the conclusion, that I am not allowed to get sick any more. I am trying to figure out a way to make my immune system sign a contract. Other than that I will just have to come to terms with the fact that if I do need to take a sick day or two, there will be consequences, which may involve crime-scene tape to keep visitors away until I have managed to clean the wreckage.
It's not all bad. by Thursday I was feeling good enough to clean, and I power-cleaned my butt off! October has brought along a great FlyLady theme - our new "Habit of the Month" is Paper Clutter! So I'll have some reminders and motivation to go thru any clutter that involves paper; school papers, mail, etc. Paper Clutter is everywhere throughout my home, so I am excited to have a reason to start purging it! In the Fluttering Flybabies group (my favorite CafeMom group where we motivate each other to follow FlyLady) we have a challenge for the month and I'll be keeping track of how many paper items I fling each day. Last week I managed to get a great start and fling 63 pieces of paper from the art/school shelf in the living room!!
I'm looking forward to tomorrow, simply because it is the start of a new week and I will be able to get back into my routines (hopefully!) There might be one thing holding me back;
Potty Training! Every week that I have decided to try and just buckle down and make Mr. X deal with his potty issues, something comes up. Too busy, traveling, company, kids sick, something! Husband decided yesterday would be a great time to get involved and put his foot own (though he could have consulted me first) and he refused to change Mr. X's pull-up. I came home from work to a battle Royale! Finally, we got Mr. X to change his own pull-up, wipe his own butt, and sit on the potty. So, rather than letting all that effort go to waste, I decided it's TIME, once again, to start the full-time potty training. Now he will have no more excuses to be "lazy" and just go in his pants, because he will have to change himself and sit on the potty anyways. Sound harsh? Well, keep in mind, he is almost 4, and this has been an on-again, off-again battle for well over a year! (Or is it two years? I don't know anymore...)
I had a great personal ritual and prayer session last night under the full-moon and I'm feeling quite motivated! I experienced such an overwhelming rush of peace, energy, and Magick under the moon last night, and I know that I am so Blessed and Loved!! I also chose last night to dedicate myself at last to being 100% Smoke free! As you know, I quit smoking a couple months ago, but have continued to allow myself one cigarette a night. This was good, and working for me for awhile, but slowly, I started to slip. One smoke was turning into two, then three, then four a day, depending on my stress level. I realized that I wasn't taking my commitment seriously anymore, and was going backwards. So last night I decided no more; back to cold-turkey - and this time no nightly smoke. I will have to be really hard on myself. Since Husband smokes, there are cigarettes here available to me at any time. But I know I can overcome that temptation, and that I am stronger than I gave myself credit for in the beginning. Surely I have coping skills to deal with my stress, I am not going to use that as an excuse anymore!