So I was stting here looking online at a list of Depresson Hotlines, trying to decide whether or not to call someone. Which one? What would I say? Would they judge me? Would I be wasting my time calling a hotline that says "Suicide Hotline" - when I'm not suicidal? Excuses. I picked up my deck of cards (at the urging of an online friend) and drew a card. The 9 of Swords. (Above). Okay... obvious, right?
I called a local Crisis Hotline. It was the best thing I could have done. The person I talked to was so compassionate and understanding, and seemed to know exactly what to talk to me about. I talked for an hour to a stranger about my life and my feelings, and this phone call was probably the biggest act of self-love that I have taken in a long time. Aside from talking me through my feelings, she gave me some ideas and hope, along with some community refferal numbers to call for further assistance. I guess I'm writing this because I want others to hear first hand that these hotlines can help. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or depressed, call someone. It was the best thing I could have done.
Today is "To Write Love On Her Arms Day". TWLOHA is a Depression Awareness and support group. Each year they ask people to write love on their arms to spread awareness about Depression. As I wrote "Love" on my arm today, I realized how far I have come over the years. Last night I reached out and asked for help. In the past, I wouldn't have done that. I would have silently suffered until I reached my breaking point. Here on my arm where the words Love are written, there used to be scars. The scars have faded and over the years I have finally learned how to Love myself instead of hurt myself.