Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Addiction & Recovery

Reposted from my CafeMom journal....

As most of my friends know, I am currently going thru the journey of quitting smoking. I'm on day 21, though I can't yet say I'm completely smoke-free. I'm taking baby steps and considering that I have been an off-again, on-again heavy smoker for over 10 years, 1 cigarette a day is huge progress for me! This time around I am taking time to learn about myself and heal myself as I go, not punishing myself for my nightly indulgence, but learning, growing. Baby steps.

What most of my friends don't know is that giving up cigarettes is, to me, the final step of my recovery as an addict. Perhaps it's been a smoke-screen, perhaps a coping-mechanism, or perhaps the last physical vice that I've held onto years after letting go of the other drugs. Most of my friends don't know this, but I am a recovering drug addict. This is going on my 9th year drug-free. I am astonished and proud that it has been that long. In December of this year, it will be 9 years since I have touched any Meth or Cocaine. The quitting smoking has brought back a lot of memories and feelings, and sometimes I just want to run back to the comfort of that smoke-screen; my final addiction. I have realized I will always be an addict; I will always have an addictive personality. And I will always be in some state of recovery. But I've also realized I'm ready to move on, I have realized I am so much stronger, happier, and wiser than I was back then, and I hope that others out there will realize that they are strong and wise too. If I can turn my life around, a complete 180, so can anyone else.

I saw this video to a new song by one of my favorite singer/songwriters, and I guess this is what got me thinking about this today. This is what made me realize I'm almost to year 10..... listen to the words, it's an amazing song. I have tears in my eyes but they are tears of pride and joy. Thankyou to all of my friends, because whether you knew this about me or not, your friendships are what keep me going each day....



  1. hello ... came here through wordless wednesday ... what a moving song! thank you for introducing me to her.

    one day at a time, huh?

  2. Wow, thanks for sharing that bit of personal info. and congrats on your sobriety!

  3. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there like you have. YOu are doing so well! Taking the time to get to know yourself is one of the best things you could ever do. WAY TO GO! I'm proud of you!