I was coming here to write about my day, and to post about my Daily Draw. On signing in I looked thru my list of blogs and read this blog about the goddess Quan Yin. So my focus has changed a little tonite, as my mind often does.
Last night (Sunday night) I went out to a party with some friends from work. I had a great time and it was a much needed time away from my apartment and my kids. I got pretty drunk, and in a way, I think needed that too! I did smoke cigarettes while I was drunk - my conviction to quit smoking seemed to melt away after my second Cranberry Juice and Watermelon Vodka. But it's not such a bad thing. Now I know where one of my weaknesses lies. And today, I was right back to being a non-smoker again. Easy-Peasy-Lemon-Squeeezy! WoooHooo for day 11!
Anyways, somehow even with my hangover, I managed to get the house back in shape again. At first, this morning I was rather miffed... I mean the house was a disaster! All it took was ONE DAY of me not being here picking up after everyone, and it was a total wreck! I'm gonna be talking to the hubby and kids about this one! But I pulled a tarot card for the day, and I got "Temperance". I thought about it for awhile, and realized that my standards and expectations are my own, and how can my family know what they are if I don't tell them? And in order to reach a fair compromise, I have to be compassionate and understanding. So rather than running around huffing and puffing and making my hangover worse, I calmly took my time cleaning up the mess, sending loving vibes in my thoughts to my husband every time I found myself feeling pissed off again. I still haven't talked to him about it yet, but I am trying to choose my words carefully so that he knows I come from a place of love not anger. I am a firm believer that "nagging" rarely solves anything and should be reserved for desperate times. At least, that's how it works in my marriage!! So I got myself thru the day with "Temperance" as my Mantra. A nice balance of anger and love gave me motivation, while a nice balance of working and resting gave me the power to get it all done. "Everything in Moderation" is a lesson of Temperance, and this also helped me to not feel guilty about drinking and smoking last night. Because I did smoke again does not mean I have failed at quitting smoking, and I cant judge myself (remember number 3 from my previous blog; Healing My Life part 1?) Lesson Learned, moving on.
So then I saw this blog about Quan Yin. I love these Goddess of the Week posts, they are really inspiring. This one really caught my attention. I think that we could all use a little Mercy and Compassion in our lives. It caught my attention because it seemed like this is what I learned from Temperance today. I wanted to be angry at my husband and kids for not having the same standards of cleanliness around the house as I do. But Quan Yin - she waits at the Gates of Nirvana for all of us. She could enter and enjoy this peace herself, but she waits, probably gaining more peace of mind just knowing that eventually we can all join this place together. I wasn't always concerned with blessing my family with a clean, organized, home. I came to this place myself, and I was helped along the way by friends. But if I hadn't begun to care about myself, to really love myself, I never would have started caring about my home. So my earlier thoughts were confirmed; rather than nag or bitch at my husband, I can tell him what would make me happy, and I can love him. I can continue to bless my home and my family, and wait for him to accept the love. It's the same with my children. Rather than focusing on teaching them how to clean their rooms and clear the table, the focus should be on learning how to love themselves, love their family, and love their home. The rest will fall into place.
Speaking of my kids, Miss Zee's "dad" has been calling again. She enjoys talking to him, but it drives me nuts. How long will it be before he stops calling her again? And then the questions will start again. I think after this many years, she is starting to cope with he disappointment. But that's just the thing. A 10 year old girl shouldn't have to know how to deal with disappointment and feelings of abandonment and rejection. There's this song by Celia called "Quan Yin"... last year at the Pagan Pride festival we heard this song performed live; we were right up front and Celia kept looking me and my daughter in the eyes while she sang. The lyrics hit home, and I was holding Miss Zee in my arms and tears were streaming down my cheeks. always think of Quan Yin not only as the Goddess of Compassion, but the defender of innocents.
Song Lyrics to the song "Quan Yin" by Celia. http://www.celiaonline.com/lyrics/quanyin.htm I love this song, it makes me cry. It's about a woman who has a daughter, and the father has been in jail. She moved on, has a new husband, and has raised her daughter, when suddenly the "father" is out of jail and wants to come back into her life; and into the child's life. The mother is full of fear and anger and resentment towards this man, the system etc. She calls upon Quan Yin to give her strength, courage, compassion, and Peace Within. She prays that she will be able to teach her daughter to strive for these things as well.
May you all have a week blessed by Quan Yin and sprinkled with Temperance! Blessed Be!!
http://margaretfinnegan.blogspot.com/ (the Goddess of the Week blog)