Finally, I have become resolute in my decision to quit smoking. Thanks to my New Moon meditation I was finally able to say, "Yes. Okay. I'm going to quit NOW" rather than "Someday soon."
I had a moment of prayer the other night, asking for help and guidance. I felt an amazing sense of peace and strength rising up inside of me. I knew that rather than asking the Universe to help me quit smoke, I needed to instead ask the Universe to send me signals to remind me of my own strength and power. Rather than asking for help to quit, I only needed to ask for Support while I quit. I have been studying the chakras for quite some time, but seem to keep running into blocks when I get to the Second Chakra; the home of desires and addictions. I picked up the book "Chakras for beginners" by David Pond and was inspired by this paragraph about dealing with addictions and balancing the Sacral Chakra;
"The Second Chakra grasps for whatever brings pleasure and these experiences habituate very easily. Sex, alcohol, tobacco, chocolate, and the sensation of drugs; all are Second Chakra, and all are very habit forming. The lure of the habit overcomes the individual trapped in this center, and the thought of pleasure drives one to indulge. When you are in the habit ode of this center, you are attempting to recreate a pleasure you remembered from the past. This obviously cannot lead to fulfillment, as it is missing the immediacy of the moment by looking to the past. Quitting any indulgence rarely works. What is pushed down, grows stronger. Taking part in the indulgence, while simultaneously staying aware, is the antidote."
I took this message to heart, and all day yesterday I was aware of every sensation I had while I was smoking. This revealed to me a couple very important things. 1) I do not enjoy smoking anymore. I couldn't identify any pleasure, except for the release of feeling like I had finally caught something I had been chasing... but once I had it, there was no real pleasure. 2) I did enjoy the time when I smoke as a time to step back from my day. I found myself catching up with my thoughts and plans, remembering tasks I had forgotten, finding inspiration. But I also realized that I can take these moments for myself without a cigarette.
So, after spending my day being aware of my sensations, being aware of what causes me pleasure and what does not, I found that by the end of the day, I didn't even want t smoke any more. I crushed my last 4 cigarettes, and got ready for bed, resolute that I had just smoked my last cigarette!!
I decided to give myself an Oracle Card reading. I wanted to see what further advice or support I could get from the Universe. I decided to use my Archangel Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue, Ph.D. As I shuffled the cards, I asked God to reveal to me what Angels he has sent to help me as I quit smoking, and what message these Angels have for me. I drew three cards; here they are-
Archangel Metatron: Chakra Clearing
I had to laugh out loud. I mean, it was my study of the chakras and my desire to balance and cleanse my chakras which lead me to this point, after all!! Yes, how very appropriate!! The card says "Call upon me to clear and open your chakras, using sacred geometric shapes." above the picture of the angel on the card there is the Geometric Shape associated with The Tree of Life. Each energy point feeds into another... I know that Metatron will help me find balance, and that by quitting smoking I will be able to achieve more inner balance which will reflect onto my outer life as well.
Archangel Jeremiel: Overcoming Difficulties
A picture of an angel with great white wings like an eagle is soaring away over a mountaintop. Of course, in my mind, the task of quitting smoking is a big, hard, scary thing. This card reminds me that I do have the inner power to overcome whatever I set my mind to. From the ground, I am sure that mountain looks huge and foreboding. From the sky, soaring with Angels, it looks beautiful, not scary at all - and all I have to do is simply set my sights beyond it and fly over it! The card says "The worst is now behind you, and you are surmounting any previous challenges." Making the decision is often the hardest step of a journey, and I have already made that first step. Now I just have to trust in my own abilities, and trust that I have all the help and love of the Universe to help me.
Archangel Metatron: Indigo and Crystal Children
Of course, my children! What better gift can I give to them than the gift of my own health? What better way to help my children than to have my own energy cleared and free? I can turn to them for help and inspiration, and in turn I will find my greatest strength of all!! The card says "You have a bond with children. In particular, you can help children who are sensitive." Of course, I have been wanting to be a better mom, more patient, more understanding. (Read previous blog - My Lunar Self) Once I free myself of the bonds of addiction and allow myself to clear my Sacral Chakra, I can move on to the other chakras and become a more balanced individual, and more easily find my place as a mother and guide for my children!
My first day without smoking has gone surprisingly well. I have been using the nicorette gum to help curb my cravings, and have kept myself busy with cleaning house and playing with the kids. I have still let myself step outside twice to do some deep breathing and refocus my thoughts and energies. But I'm feeling really confident and happy!! The true test will be when my husband comes home with his cigarettes. I will tell him that I have quit and hope that he is able to support me and keep his temptation away from me if he continues to smoke. I am sure he will be supportive, it is my own strength that will be tested. But I will have Metatron and Jeremiel here by my side to remind me to stay strong!!