So what is it about this card that keeps drawing me back? I just keep having the feeling that I need to explore it more deeply, to take the time to really meditate on it, because I think, perhaps, this card was referring to more in my life than my monthly cycle.
This is the card from The Housewives Tarot by Jude Buffum and Paul Kepple. Yep, that looks like me today, although I don't think I have truly slept that deeply and peacefully in a long....... long....... time.
Here's what the guidebook says;
"A nightly ritual of mud masks, curlers, and hairnets, can provide much more than just peaches-and-cream skin and perfect curls. While your body gets it's beauty rest, your unconscious mind is providing dreams with hints and tips for your waking hours. The moon suggests that listening to your instincts and intuitions can help you through times of change and uncertainty."
Well, I know the importance of taking care of myself, taking time for myself, and pampering, though I certainly don't apply this knowledge on a regular basis. I rarely remember my dreams, but I understand that this card isn't necessarily about the dreams, but about the door to communication with one's subconscious, inner self, and how that door is only opened when one really takes some quiet time, some down time, and some time for self-care. My "day off" was much needed. I am often keeping myself so busy that I don't have time to think; much less notice where I'm going. What dreams have I put off or put aside just in the pursuit of the daily routines?
And to take it a step further, to satisfy my craving for wanting to understand this card in my life right now and today, I'll do a little extra tarot journaling. These questions are from the book "Tarot For Yourself" by Mary K. Greer. Here goes; blogging from the heart - another moment of vulnerability....
- What have you forgotten? - I think I've forgotten to take my own advice. I've forgotten to meditate regularly, take care of my health, and give myself some quiet time. In the pursuit of being a good housewife and getting organized, I have forgotten my other goals; looking for a house, spending more quality time with the kids, etc.
- What do you instinctively want to do? - Crawl in a hole. Or at least into bed. That's all I have really felt like doing today, and yesterday. I think that I get to this point (comes once a month) and my body and mind just instinctively want to shut down, sit a couple rounds out. Maybe that's not a bad thing. Maybe it's okay to give myself this down time once a month.....
- What kind of cycle or pattern are you repeating? - LOL - welllll. Other than the obvious, physical "cycle", I know that this is a common cycle for me; to be super-motivated, energized, taking on new challenges and goals, feeling on top of the world, and then reaching a point of being utterly overwhelmed, tired, depressed, apathetic, and prone to angry outbursts or just wanting to cry. Is it PMS? PMDD? ADD? BiPolar? Or is it just my personality - The Fool - coming through? Or do I just take on too much and forget to take care of myself and create this self-destructive cycle over and over again?
- What is bewildering or confusing you? - I think my answer to the above question states my confusion pretty clearly. Do I need help, or just to accept this as a part of who I am? Do I need therapy? Medication? Psychic healing? Reiki? Or do I just need to understand and accept these cycles for what they are? Or do I just need a break from my life every once in awhile?
- What is real and what is illusory? - Hmm. I guess that's the question then, isn't it? What is real? -- My Mood Swings are Real. My issues with Anger and Depression are Real. My periods are a Real pain in the @$$. What are my illusions? -- I am alone. I can't deal with this. No one cares. My family would be better off without me. I can't get help.
The thing about the moon is, it shines a light on the dark places. It makes you look at things that you wouldn't have seen before, and often times, things look a lot scarier in the moonlight than they do in the daylight. But if you can get yourself to take a good look at something in the dark, when morning comes it's not so scary anymore - and it becomes something new.