Tuesday, July 21, 2009

My Lunar-Self

Journal Yourself Awake; The New Moon & The High Priestess

Journal Part 1;
This New Moon (July 21) the Moon is in the astrological sign of Cancer, along with the Sun. Cancer is ruled by the Moon, making this an ideal time to look within at our own lunar selves.
Key characteristics of the Moon include the following traits; Being Instinctive, our Automatic Responses, Our Unconscious side, Being Feeling-oriented, Mothering or Nurturing, Being dependent or needy, Being Changeable or Flexible - or being too stubborn and fundamental, or being Moody or Reactive.
Take a moment to think about these aspects within yourself. Are any of them too strong or too weak? Have you let your emotions or instincts rule your life? Are you allowing yourself to be nurturing and mothering? Are you burying or denying your emotions or not following your instincts? Allow yourself to write about these traits in yourself without judgment from yourself and without fear of judgment from others.

I've been very drawn to the moon latley. I journaled last week about the Tarot card "The Moon", I have been up late at night moon-gazing, and I've been studying once again about the cycles, phases, and astrological transitions of the Moon. So I guess it makes sense that my first "journaling assignment" at my new blog would be about the Moon. I really didn't plan it that way, but since today marked the New Moon in Cancer, what better time is there? (The New Moon transitting thru the Astrological sign that is Ruled by the Moon - while the Sun is also transitting through that same sign. Now it makes sense, right?)

So here I am again, ready to bare my soul to you as I journal with Part 1; Looking at my Lunar Self;

My Instinctual Side- what are my automatic responses?
I have worked so hard over the past few years to change my thought patterns from negative to positive. But I still find it hard sometimes. Sometimes the automatic response is one based on fear or worry. But the thing is; at least now I am aware of these feelings, and thru awareness I can autoatically turn them around. It's actually becoming a habit to replace my negative thoughts with positive ones... and this is an amazing change within myself that has led to wonderful things!! The one "Automatic Response" that I know I still need to work on has to do with my mouth. More specifically; my yelling. These crazy kids are jumping on funiture, wrecking the house, torturing the cats, and driving me crazy and the first thing I do is yell at them. It's not working, I need to change that. But it comes out automatically before I canthink of any other way to react. I will try to be more aware of my reactions.

Being Mothering & Nurturing -
I need to work on this too. It pains me to admit that sometimes I'm not as Nurturing or Mothering towards my kids as I should be. Don't get me wrong they get plenty of cuddles and kisses and snacks and baths. But sometimes I don't think I nurture them in the right ways or at the right times. When they have been whining and fighting and tattling all day, I don't want to hear it anymore! They sometimes will come to me for the 10th time wanting me to somehow heal the rifts of sibling rivalry, smooth out the arguments, or heal the hurt feelings from the insults they have hurled at eachother (yes - sisters can be really mean!!) I feel like I fall short on the nurturing in these areas because when my patience has been worn so thin, I just can't think of anything to tell them other than "Well tell each other you're sorry and get over it" or "Why don't you just seperate for awhile". I don't kow why this is the first thing that comes to my mind when I think of my ability to nurture, I guess it's just something that bothers me.

My flexibility / changeability -
That's always a rough area for me. I don't like change. I am one of those people who can really get stuck in their ways. I have to make sure to add some spontanaety into my life or I will get stuck in a rut. On the oposite end of the spectrum though, Iam very adaptable. I will find a way to work around new situations and fit new or different things into my life when change comes a-callin'. And it does. My favorite quote has always been "The only constant is change". I embraced that quote early in life and it has helped me become more adaptable, more wiling to flex and flow. It's still a challenge for me, but I think I've come far.

Am I dependent or needy?
Well I'm not going to say that I'm not independent. I'm a strong, independent woman!! Why do I feel like I'm trying to convince myself of that? Because I know I'm pretty needy and dependent. Not the needy-clingy type, but the need-interaction type. I'm not really sure I ever learned how to be alone. I went from being a child living with my parents to being a mom, and was never single in between boyfriends and husbands for more than couple weeks. Plus I have my kids. I feel sometimes like if what I've done or said isn't being noticed by someone, it's pointless. Probably why I started a blog. I need to be watched. Kinda kinky, huh? And I do depend too much on others sometimes. I crave approval. I try and tell myself that I don't care what other people think of me, and for the most part, I don't. But there's that little part of myself that feels sad when no one comments on my blog, that little part of me that feels afraid to go to the grocery store by myself - that's my dependent, needy side.

My feelings and moods -
I am pretty in touch with my emotions, and painfully aware of my moods. Yes I can have crazy mood swings, I wish I could control them better. The older I get the worse they get. Sometimes I think it's because I have spent so much of my life holding my emotions inside. I mean, although I am very aware of my feelings and emotions, I don't always show them. I can accept them and understand them, but others might not. And why would they need to see my emotions anyways? What purpose would it serve? Other than for me to not appear to others as a cold-hearted-bitch. Look, even just talking about showing my emotions brings out my sarcasm. Sheesh I never realized that my Sarcasm and Humor are such a big cover up of my feelings. *click the light bulb comes on over my head* Wow.... hold on I'm having a moment here....


Come Journal With Me!! http://journalyourselfawake.blogspot.com/2009/07/new-moon-meditation-journaling-with.html

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